Happy birthday, pretty lady. We sure will miss you. xoxo, N
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In 2010, our perfect *”Baby Gavin” returned to Heaven after losing a courageous battle with **Pertussis (whooping cough). We are eternally and profoundly grateful to the thousands upon thousands (upon thousands) of friends and strangers from all over the world, of all faiths and creeds, who united with our family in prayer during Baby Gavin’s horrific illness and who grieved with us and continued to petition God in our behalf during the dark days following his tragic death. You may read Gavin’s story as it unfolded by visiting my old blog here. I am committed to sharing my ongoing struggles with grief and our journey toward joy here on the new blog. I am always humbled and amazed by the continued outpouring of love and support. Thank you for sharing in our journey and inspiring us with your unceasing love! God is good!
*My brother Gavin passed away unexpectedly in 2007. With all these Angel Gavins, it can get a little confusing at times, so just know that when I refer to “Gavin” I’m referring to my wonderful brother. When I refer to “Baby Gavin,” it is in reference to my perfect son, both of whom I cannot wait to see in Heaven!
**You will periodically see me blog about The Sounds of Pertussis campaign. I am an unpaid spokesperson and am only compensated travel expenses where applicable for my involvement with this important cause. Join our fight against this deadly communicable disease at www.soundsofpertussis.com or like us on facebook at www.facebook.com/soundsofpertussis.
Happy birthday, pretty lady. We sure will miss you. xoxo, N
We’re off to California tomorrow morning to meet with Joan Klein (and to see our favorite cousins . . . other than Cole x2 and Ireland, of course). Joan has been consulting us as we navigate this journey with Cardon, and I can’t explain what a gift she has been thus far. We can’t wait to meet her in person in just a couple of days!
we’re adjusting little by little to this new life. . . both to life here in AZ and to the new reality that is our life navigating Sensory Processing Disorder. We all feel a little like Alice, free falling further and further down the rabbit hole. Ultimately however, we KNOW we’ve made the right decision for our family. So on we’ll fall, trusting that someone is standing at the bottom, ready to soften our landing. . . or at the very least, throw us a crazy cool tea party.
xx! N
THANK YOU so much for your patience while we’ve made this transition. I haven’t heard a peep from any of you. You are so amazing. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again and again and again, I HAVE THE BEST CLIENTS, EVER! I’m working as fast as I can, between unpacking, shopping for furniture, Neuropsych evaluations, and childhood meltdowns over having zero friends. . . Your beautiful images are on their way soon. Scouts honor!
Tell me that this doesn’t video blow your mind. Can you spot a Norton or two (or three. . . or five)?
On a side note, I’m back in business. We had the internet connected yesterday, and I’m sortof, almost, starting to kindof adjust to this new life. Somewhat.
Enjoy! xx!
cell phone picture of a print I found while packing. . . circa 2004
Today.
Today I’m grateful that this anniversary feels very different than all the rest. I finally feel closer to you rather than farther away. I’m four full years closer to seeing you again. FOUR years. That’s a lot of time. That’s a lot of change. That’s a lot of learning. And that’s certainly a lot of growing. I miss you every day, but I’m over the hump. I can now see WHY this had to be. I can see what it has given all of us. . . the kinds of people it has molded us in to. . . and I’m grateful. Sad and sorry it had to be this way? Of COURSE! But deeply grateful that God knows best. Grateful that He is willing to parent me in the very best way I need, even if it will cause me tremendous heart ache and excruciating pain. . . because He sees me not for who I am today, but for who I am meant to become, and He loves me enough to do whatever it takes to get me there.
I’m so grateful he’s willing to mold me. Kicking and screaming and fighting tooth and nail, He is still willing to mold me, because He loves me perfectly. I hope to become more like Him, Gavin. I hope to have the courage to parent your nephews in that same kind of way that our loving Heavenly Father parents me, because THAT is eternal love. THAT is love that sees beyond the here and now and into forever, together. I hope that I can follow His example, and with His merciful guidance, do whatever it takes.
Even if whatever it takes moves me away from my beautiful ocean . . .and to the middle of the desert. :)
I love you, Captain.
Sis
Finishing up the packing and about to head out. . .
As of yesterday morning, a new family owns our little white house on Wahinepe’e St.
My heart is heavy and light, all at the same time. I am profoundly happy for the family who bought it, they are remarkable, and so very, very deserving. It’s also a very meloncholy (or should I say melon choly) feeling to say goodbye to a home that has cradled us as we’ve weathered so.many.storms. I remember my brother‘s room (before he moved out and set up camp on the beach… like a bona fide hobo). I remember where I was sitting (4 years ago tomorrow) when my Dad told me that had died. I remember where the baby‘s crib had been, and how joyous I felt as I assembled it. I remember how sorrowful I was as I broke it down and placed a dresser in it’s place… so I wouldn’t have to wake up every morning and stare at it sitting there, empty. I remember hours on end of laughter, plenty of yelling and madness, and so much friendship and love that I could burst at the seams just thinking about it.
But. . . I keep reminding myself, home is where we are, together. WE are what makes a house a home. Not friendly neighborhood kids in and out of the house all.day.long, not belly laughs, or tickle fests, not dance parties or trampoline wars, not more joyous memories than I can count… it’s us, and we’re sticking together.
Aloha ‘oe beautiful Laie. A hui ho!
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