click here to open post Oct 28, 2010 | posted in Uncategorized | 9 comments

broken computer.

family in town.

big race this Saturday. (please say a prayer for me.  PLEASE. I’m waaaay south of freaking out about it.)

halloween.

foggy, grief ridden brain (baby gavin’s birthday hit me up in ways I hadn’t anticipated. I’m not a blubbering mess, as I’d expected to be. I’m “just” feeling really incapacitated.)

medical bills/billions of calls to inept insurance company.

richie’s working on a HUGE (read exciting) project and deserves my full support.

lots of fun shoots coming up in the next few weeks.

plus, I just don’t feel like being plugged in right now.  I don’t feel like being socially connected via the www.  I just don’t feel like stressing over blog posts and email land.  I just don’t feel like it.  At all.

and the beauty of being boss???

This: peace out hommies!

I’ll see ya when I see ya.

N

click here to open post Oct 26, 2010 | posted in Uncategorized | 7 comments

The night before Gavin’s birthday, I cried myself to sleep. I felt lonely and more devastation than there are words to describe. When I woke, I found this beautiful email from a blog reader named Marie.

It’s still dark outside. The sun has yet to decide to rise and here I sit, still in my bed, with a heavy heart, because I know what today means. I sense the struggle you must feel to get yourself out of bed, because I, a person you’ve never meet is having a hard time too..I didn’t lose my son and my 13 month old (to the day) is sleeping soundly in her bed, yet I can’t seem to pull my legs to the side of the bed. I’m thinking of you. My heart aches. I can’t even begin to fathom the pain and utter sorrow you must feel. I hurt for you. Every.part.of.me.hurts.for.you. I say my morning prayer and I plead with my father in heaven that (if only for today) I may carry some of your burden. Make it light, if even for this once. I wish I could wrap my arms around you in the way that life-long friend would and give you the comfort you need. I wish I had the right thing to say to make it feel better. Not go away, but make it okay; yet I can’t seem to form any clear sentences. I can only think to myself “throw a party…that makes things better.” When I don’t know what to do, I do what I do best and that is to have a party. As I sit here and picture you with your sweet family around Baby Gavin’s grave having a party (cuz every 1 year old needs a party), a smile scratches the surface and I pray that you have a day of celebration among the grief (if even for a fleating moment). I think of Him and all the burdens He has carried for each of us and I again pray that I can help Him carry your burden this day….I read a scripture and I’m sure you’ve heard it before (maybe even have it highlighted a time or two) but I think of you and hope it’s one that gives you comfort…especially on this day…Know ye that ye must believe in Jesus Christ, that he is the Son of God, and that he was slain by the Jews, and by the power of the Father he hath risen again, whereby he hath gained the victory over the grave; and also in him is the sting of death swallowed up (Morm. 7:5)…and with that thought, I get all the love I can muster and I send it your way with a big Aloha Nui Loa…then I fold a little piece of you and place it next to my heart and throw my legs over the side of the bed and start my day.

You are never far from my thoughts but today I hope you can feel my love/support and have it to lean on.
Your forever friend (whether you like it or not)


Marie Rose

If all of us were as compassionate, as loving, as in tune as Marie, the world would be richer by far.  Thank you my forever friend who I’ll probably never meet. With love, Natalie

Had I known your days were numbered,
I’d have stopped and counted every breath you took.

Had I known how quickly the clock was ticking,
I’d have lay awake nights simply to watch you sleep.

Had I known the fleeting presence of your mortal life on the vast radar of eternity,
I’d have put the world on pause to hold you against my heart.

Every moment, of every day . . . until that fateful last.

I continue to hold you, my perfect son.
No longer over my heart, but in it.

Happy birthday beautiful boy.

I love you with all of me.

xx, Mommy

click here to open post Oct 22, 2010 | posted in Personal | 5 comments

I love you.

I’m sorry I can’t be there to run on Walt’s team with you.  You KNOW I will be there in spirit and if there were ANY way on Earth for me to be there with you physically, I would be on the fist flight out of here. You KNOW it’s true.

Last weekend, Rachel and I ran a 5k in Walt’s honor.

At the end of the race I had to turn my shirt around because I was seriously about to drop dead from the smell of sharpie. . .

I must really love you to put this picture (right) on the www. I’m horrifying.

all in the name of love. . .

The genuine, deep, abiding kind Taylor.  I know you know that.

xx, N

click here to open post Oct 21, 2010 | posted in Personal | 12 comments

A couple of weeks ago I got an email from my beautifully talented old friend Eliza. (Be SURE to to go her site and listen to “The Growing Kind”.  LOVE.)

Nothing makes me happier than hearing from Eliza, because she just happens to be made of sugar and spice and all things fancy and magical.  Eliza’s ALWAYS got some fun project up her sleeve that you’d just DIE to be a part of.

Here is a portion of her email:

i want to make a video for the attached song . . . my idea is to get the shiniest people i know to sing along to the chorus and get video footage of it (even on your iphone. if you have and iphone..you can just do it..like right now..on your phone and then email it to me from your phone.) then i’m gonna take your voice off and make it look like my voice is coming out of your mouth. get it?  you don’t have to spend long or be too thoughtful about it or anything. just quick and dirty. . . i actually had you in mind when you wrote this song. . .(“you were sitting there on that step!”) you gave me the idea when you were reminiscing about the jr. high days of our friendship.

Naturally I’m such a basket case lately that I never got my act together and got my video over to Eliza.  I’m so jealous of all these shiny people.  I wish I was shiny and famous like them.

Watch this, and love it, but mostly listen to the Lyrics.  My personal favorite being: “You know, there is a fine line, between giving up and blinding me.”  Enjoy!