The night before Gavin’s birthday, I cried myself to sleep. I felt lonely and more devastation than there are words to describe. When I woke, I found this beautiful email from a blog reader named Marie.
It’s still dark outside. The sun has yet to decide to rise and here I sit, still in my bed, with a heavy heart, because I know what today means. I sense the struggle you must feel to get yourself out of bed, because I, a person you’ve never meet is having a hard time too..I didn’t lose my son and my 13 month old (to the day) is sleeping soundly in her bed, yet I can’t seem to pull my legs to the side of the bed. I’m thinking of you. My heart aches. I can’t even begin to fathom the pain and utter sorrow you must feel. I hurt for you. Every.part.of.me.hurts.for.you. I say my morning prayer and I plead with my father in heaven that (if only for today) I may carry some of your burden. Make it light, if even for this once. I wish I could wrap my arms around you in the way that life-long friend would and give you the comfort you need. I wish I had the right thing to say to make it feel better. Not go away, but make it okay; yet I can’t seem to form any clear sentences. I can only think to myself “throw a party…that makes things better.” When I don’t know what to do, I do what I do best and that is to have a party. As I sit here and picture you with your sweet family around Baby Gavin’s grave having a party (cuz every 1 year old needs a party), a smile scratches the surface and I pray that you have a day of celebration among the grief (if even for a fleating moment). I think of Him and all the burdens He has carried for each of us and I again pray that I can help Him carry your burden this day….I read a scripture and I’m sure you’ve heard it before (maybe even have it highlighted a time or two) but I think of you and hope it’s one that gives you comfort…especially on this day…Know ye that ye must believe in Jesus Christ, that he is the Son of God, and that he was slain by the Jews, and by the power of the Father he hath risen again, whereby he hath gained the victory over the grave; and also in him is the sting of death swallowed up (Morm. 7:5)…and with that thought, I get all the love I can muster and I send it your way with a big Aloha Nui Loa…then I fold a little piece of you and place it next to my heart and throw my legs over the side of the bed and start my day.
You are never far from my thoughts but today I hope you can feel my love/support and have it to lean on.
Your forever friend (whether you like it or not)
If all of us were as compassionate, as loving, as in tune as Marie, the world would be richer by far. Thank you my forever friend who I’ll probably never meet. With love, Natalie