The first time, I worried over what to wear, how to sit, what to say. What colors would be most flattering? Should I cross my legs? Which statistics would pack the most punch?

I’ll be honest. In the very beginning it was fun. For a total of about 33 seconds.

Then you remember what you’re doing it all for. You remember what it felt like to kick and scream and pray and bargain and plead. You remember what it felt like to put your child in the ground.

Yes, you remember why you’re here. And you stop caring what you’re wearing or how it will look under the lights. You stop caring if you’re eyebrows look even or if you brought the right color slip.

I remember after Raleigh was born, I’d fantasize of a full night’s sleep. I’d imagine how wonderful it would feel to go to a hotel room, all by myself, climb in to bed. . . and wake up in the morning. UNINTERRUPTED SLEEP. Oh. The. Glory. Now? I’d give exactly anything for Gavin to interrupt my sleep. Heck, I’d be perfectly happy with that arrangement all the way until he turned 18. Where do I sign?

I’m only an hour from home, but it may as well be 4,000 for how lonely I feel. I tucked the boys in to bed, and I’ll likely be back home before they even wake up in the morning. Even so.

Hold them close. As hard as it is, the sleepless nights, the changes in your body, the new dynamic as husband and wife, the laundry, the messes, the MADNESS, it’s such a gift. Every bit of it.  I hope you NEVER have to learn first hand just what a BEAUTIFUL gift it really is.

Yes, I’d love to be home. In my husband’s arms, with a bed wetting toddler in the room next door. But yet, here I am. All alone. Wishing to be anywhere but here. Anything but this. But on the other side of all that pain, I’m so happy to be doing this. So willing to be making this TINY little sacrifice of time and emotional energy.

. . . Because babies are still dying. And every time one does, I think, “AREN’T YOU PEOPLE LISTENING?!”

I don’t know how to make my voice loud enough. I don’t know how to say this all in the right way, in the way that will STICK. In the way that will inspire ACTION. So I’ll just keep on saying it, over and over and over again. Hoping and praying that the right people hear.

4:45 am call time over at ABC. Time to tuck myself in. Wish you were here Rich. Love you millions.

Good night, all.

xo,

N

PS. The title of this post is mostly for me. . . we sang a song in church today. . . one of my very favorites. One of the lines is “the blessings of God on our labors we’ll seek,” and I suppose that’s what I’m doing. . . my very best. Seeking His blessings along the way. Knowing I’m not enough on my own. Knowing I can’t make a dent in this big bad world all by my broken little self. Praying that HE hears my voice and somehow amplifies it in ways that only He can.

POST EDITED TO INCLUDE: 5:35 am. I did the interview for the 5:00 hour. It was by FAR the worst interview I’ve ever done. I felt so blindsided and unprepared. There was a breach in communication as to my expectations and what actually happened at ABC this morning. Then. . . my story was bumped from the 6:00 hour because of breaking news of a house, car, apartment fire in the area. That’s show biz, baby. But here I am, back in this lonely hotel room. Quite certain that I am the reason the story was bumped and that the fire was the cover. Bleh. Anybody have a time machine? I’m ready to go back to my real life. . . where babies are healthy, and mommie’s are frazzled because of being up all night, not because they woke up at the crack of dawn to botch morning show interviews at ABC.

Today alone, I was contacted by 3 separate families expressing concern over a Whooping Cough outbreak here in Arizona. One friend received a notice from her children’s school, another told me of her coworker’s 8 week old baby being admitted to the hospital after being confirmed positive for Pertussis (Whooping Cough), and yet a THIRD messaged me seeking details about the cough because she was concerned over the health of her granddaughter who may have been exposed.

And while we’re on the subject, we were on national news. We didn’t even know until this evening. Go figure. I have no idea when our story originally aired on America Now, but the footage is from an interview we conducted for KHON2 News in Hawaii back in 2010. Seemed fitting to share today. Parents, play it safe. Get your Tdap (adult and adolescent Pertussis booster shot)—ESPECIALLY if you are anti vaccinations as it relates to the little ones in your home. You can’t afford not to. Trust me. I understand the cost, and you can’t afford it. No one can.

The childhood vaccination debate is not one that I found myself anxious to join–for a zillion very obvious reasons, then ten more just for good measure. I needed time for my head to clear, for my emotions to even out and frankly, to get my facts straight before I jumped into the ring.

Now here we are (Richie and I, together), nearly 2 years later, talking from a place of confidence, understanding and compassion. There is no hate or anger behind any of our feelings as they relate to childhood vaccinations. There is no discord or frustration, only love, empathy and a desire to help others understand a perspective that often has no voice.

PS. As you read this, I’m on a plane to Hawaii. Niener, niener.

Today, I did something that I’ve been really, really afraid of. I spoke to a reporter about childhood vaccinations.

For the past year and a half, I’ve been an open advocate for the importance of adult booster vaccines. I’ve been actively involved in the Sounds of Pertussis Campaign where, in conjunction with the March of Dimes, we’ve promoted the importance of the Tdap booster to create a sort of “cacoon of protection” around infants who are too young to have yet received their Pertussis vaccination.

But childhood vaccinations? This, my friends, is a whole new ballgame.

I’m afraid I’m heading blindly into a war zone. . .  like a lamb to the slaughter, you might say. Only time will tell.

Dear world, Go easy on me, K? I didn’t ask for any of this.

N

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

Reporter Jennifer Stagg did a fantastic job on our family’s feature that ran tonight on KSL in UT. Of all the interviews I’ve given over the last year and a half, this one was by far the most well done. (Just one quick thing, the piece mentions that we traveled with Gavin at 1 week old. He was actually 2 months old when we took that trip.) PLEASE share this video! We need to spread this important information any way we can. Here is the direct link to Gavin’s story on KSL. From there you can easily tweet, like on facebook or get the embed code to post this video to a blog or website.

Go Gavin GO!