You. It was you. You started everything.

And I don’t know if I should scream at you, or throw my arms around your neck and never, ever let go.

You died; I was born again.

Little by little, line upon line, and now here I am. Strong. Steady. Vulnerable. Unstable. All of it together, and much, much more.

I love you. I need you.

Stay nearby.

happy valentines day, friends!

Post modified to include this from Richie:

One of my clients sent me a New Year’s card that read simply, “Happy everything, everything happy.” I died. This phrase has been ringing in my ears ever since. Happy everything, everything happy. Oh yes, and the beautiful thing? Everything already is; you just have to open your eyes.

So thankful for these beautiful visitors from home sweet Hawaii. Love them like family times infinity. Too bad they’re only staying for about 42 seconds. I miss them already. :(

Happy Monday EVERYTHING!

xo!

N

My journey toward authenticity began the day my son died the day I died. (I can tell you from the bottom of my soul, they are one and the same.)

And there I was.

There I was. . .

(Deep exhale here.)

Nothing remained, aside from the physical form of the woman I had once been. Inside of that? Nothing was the same. When you come to THAT moment (that we all pray to God you never will) you have exactly two choices.

1.  You die.
2.  Or you don’t.

Physical death, yes, I suppose would be a third alternative (a thought that EVERY mother who’s walked where I’ve walked has entertained, even if only in an especially weak and fleeting moment), but I’m not speaking of physical death. I’m speaking of emotional death. Spiritual callus. The armor of the soul. Survival. Safety. The opportunity to disengage from the excruciating pain. The promise of relief from the acute, unrelenting torture. Option number 1, you die. See?

Option number 2, you don’t. BUT HOW DON’T YOU? HOW?! HOW?!!!! AND YES I’M SHOUTING NOW. I’M SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY BROKEN HEART. HOW DON’T YOU JUST CLIMB INTO THE CUPBOARD UNDER THE STAIRS AND BURY YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND? (Yes, my cupboard under the stairs is at the beach. Apparently. And yes, I’m done yelling at you.)

How?

You submit.

And that’s how.

You submit.

You own your nothingness before God and yet your “everythingness” within him. For we are, each of us, nothing and everything all in the same harrowing yet joy-filled breath.

The moments after Gavin died horrified me. Horror. Times infinity. To the power of a million. For all the obvious reasons yes, but for one you rarely think about in specific. Eventually, friends, you have to walk away. You have to hand your dead child over to a stranger, and you have to walk away. I’ve never felt so small. I’ve never felt so afraid. I couldn’t do it. I moaned. I cried. I held him as tightly as I could. I probably screamed out loud, though I don’t remember for certain. If I didn’t, I should have. I’d certainly earned the right.

I’ve never been so acutely focused (before or since). I was completely keyed in to the moment I was in, the feelings I was experiencing, the fear that engulfed me. And amid all that terror, amid all that submission, amid all that awareness of my nothingness before God, I found something.

Myself.

No longer was I a woman who was born in 1981, had lived a while, and was having this experience in a hospital room in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit in 2010. I was Natalie.

I felt connected to myself in a whole new way. Connected to my divinity as a child of God, a literal spirit daughter of The Creator of Heaven and Earth and all things that in them are. I was Natalie, and Natalie, this me, SHE had the strength required to walk away. SHE had the faith required to move through this moment (and every one that would follow). SHE had the perspective I lacked. SHE had the courage I desired. SHE knew God in a way that I had never dreamed possible.

I held her hand, I kissed his face, and I walked away.

Over time, I’ve come to know her better. Learning she existed was half the battle, now getting to know her learning to become her will win me the war.

Authenticity. It’s a practice, not an art. A journey, not a destination.

But it’s worth the work. It’s worth the commitment.

And it’s definitely worth the jump.

N

This is the first post of a series. Practical, actionable steps toward the Journey to YOU to follow.

Will you regret it when you’re 80?

My husband, Richie, is a thousand times smarter than I am. When I’m up against a big decision and go to him seeking advice, he always turns things right back around on my own sense of intuition. He maintains that NO ONE knows what’s best for me better than I do. (PS. The same is true of each of you).  “Natalie, will you regret it when you’re 80?” he asks (with a wickedly obnoxious little grin).

Allow me to explain.

I recently found myself on a chartered boat in the middle of the Carribbean Sea. Knowing I might never be in this place again, knowing that this opportunity was likely once in a lifetime for me, knowing that were I NOT to jump, I WOULD look back and regret it when I was 80, I stood up, and I dove in.

Are you on the edge of the boat? Is opportunity knocking but you can’t seem to bring yourself to jump? Afraid the water’s cold? Afraid of what might be lurking beneath the surface? Afraid you might drown?!

I get it.

Jump anyway. Or. . .  be prepared to regret it when you’re 80.

I love the opportunity to look into people’s lives and provide heartfelt feedback and loving direction. I don’t have all the answers—not even close—but as I respond to your questions, I get the tremendous blessing of watching you soar, not to mention the treasured gift of self reflection and the beautiful byproduct of personal development. Because of this, I’m genuinely falling in love with Formspring. Here’s an example from today’s feed that illustrates this fear to JUMP. (Nope, you’re not alone. Not by a long shot.)

Question:

Ok, so WHY am I scared of success? Why am I nervous to be as awesome as I know I can be??? Why do people sabatoge amazing opportunities?? I have the potential to be great. Things are all lined up for awesomeness… I’m just afraid to take that step.

My response:

Not knowing your specific goals or challenges, I think it’s best for me to simply answer from my realm of experience.

I personally get really afraid of success because I know the amount of work it’s going to require. I crave simplicity, I crave clarity, I crave a calm, uneventful life. . . and I KNOW that the kind of success that is available to me (and to each of us) requires a lot of STINKING.HARD.WORK. Stretching, growing, risking: all things that success requires, come along with a fair amount of chaos, unpredictability, and confusion. It’s hard for me emotionally to knowingly opt in to all that is required for big change— big success.

I also fear failure. I really fear getting lazy and not being willing to consistently put in the hard work required to make big things happen in my life. It is possible to do and become ANYTHING. Even as a mother, I can have balance and success between my work and family life, but it takes A LOT of commitment, A LOT of consistency, and A.LOT.OF.EFFORT. The reality of everything can be vastly overwhelming to me (often to the point of damming me up completely).

A good way I’ve found to combat these feelings is to say to myself: “Will I regret it when I’m 80?” This material is 100% Richie’s. He’s so much smarter than I am. If I look at my goals and I say, “When I’m 80, looking back on my life, will I regret not putting in the hard work to achieve a, b or c?” If the answer is “yes” then I put on my hard hat and I get to work, no matter the cost. If the answer is “no,” then I reevaluate my goals.

The reality is, you have EVERYTHING you need to be successful. You have every resource, every ounce of strength, every minute of time you need. Each of us has EVERYTHING we need—right in this very moment. I really do believe that. We just have to have the complete confidence that we are on the right path. Once you’re sure, take courage, put on your hard hat, and have faith in yourself. You’re SO much greater, SO much more capable than you know!

Now, let me ask YOU:

Will YOU regret it when you’re 80?

Will you regret not following through on that nagging hunch? Will you regret not getting in touch with your authentic self? Will you regret not risking it all to go for that amazing dream? Will you regret spending your life in a job that doesn’t play to your unique strengths (a job you hate)? Will you regret not fighting hard for the success of the most important relationships in your life? Will you regret not giving your all to be genuinely HAPPY?

Will you regret not embracing your fears and jumping anyway?

Making Things Happen just opened registration for our 2012 East Coast Tour. Ready to jump? Early bird rates good only through March 1, 2012! The MTH Tour has SOLD OUT 3 years running, so reserve your seat before your city sells out!

JUMP! Your life is waiting.

Did you miss the boat!?

I’d still love to have you in Vegas, so I’ve partnered with the wonderful girls (Tori and Wendy) over at Let the Kids Dress Themselves, and we’re giving away ONE, FINAL seat to the sold out intensive—FREEEEEEE!!! Head over and tell us why you’re ready to Breathe, and you’ll be automatically entered to grab a FREE seat! Amelia and I would LOVE to see you in Vegas! Which leads me to . . .

I’m thrilled to announce that we will have a wonderful guest facilitator joining us for the Las Vegas intensive!

Welcome Amelia Lyon!

Amelia is one of the most generous, kindhearted women I know. She is also an exceptional (and inspiring) wife and mother, not to mention a centered, savvy and successful business woman. She has been a great inspiration and mentor to me over the years. I’m blown away that she has so graciously agreed to come and share this day with us! It’s an honor to have her!

I hope we’ll be seeing YOU very soon!

Enter to win here!

While you’re at it, be sure to poke around on the fabulous Let the Kid’s Dress Themselves! It’s the most wonderful site, dedicated to soulful, authentic portraiture: my perfectly prepared cup of tea (herbal, naturally). It’s definitely one of my top 5 inspiration sites on the web. LOVE.

]]> http://natalienortonblog.com/2012/01/31/win-a-free-seat-to-the-sold-out-breathe-intensive-meet-our-new-guest-facilitator-amelia-lyon/feed/ 5 http://natalienortonblog.com/2012/01/29/3881/ http://natalienortonblog.com/2012/01/29/3881/#comments Sun, 29 Jan 2012 12:42:47 +0000 natalie http://natalienortonblog.com/2012/01/29/3881/

By the time you see this beautiful image from Michael and Jessica’s Scottsdale engagement session, I’ll be on a plane to the Dominican Republic.

Beautiful wedding, sun, sand, beach and . . .  what’s looking like RAIN, here I come.

Every now and then you just need to push pause and recharge. Hand me the remote; I’m totally ready.

xo,

Me

PS- My plan is to keep blogging, posting on Instagram (NatalieNorton-FIND ME!) and etc. We’ll see what the internet connection is like (and just how sunny it turns out to be). No promises.

Two weeks ago, I photographed the funeral of a beautiful, strong, sensational 16 year old girl. “Coincidentally,” she died 2 years after my sweet son, to the day. I arrived to the funeral early and had the opportunity to spend some time “with her” in private before the family arrived. I looked into her radiant, peaceful face, and I asked her to find my brother. To please find him and to tell him I love him and that I’m doing my best to really LIVE my life for him. I held her mother in my arms as she cried. I comforted her in a way that only a mother who’s “been there” ever could. It broke my heart wide open. SHE broke my heart wide open. I learned so much from this girl. This beautiful girl I had never met. I left the funeral that day knowing, deep in my heart, that I had been exactly where I was meant to be.

Exactly one week later, I stood helpless and watched a man die after being struck by a truck while riding his motorcycle (without a helmet). I held the man who hit him in my arms while he cried, over and over, “I don’t want to kill anybody; I don’t want to kill anybody.” I prayed with him as they covered the victim with a sheet and loaded him into the ambulance. Then I took his face in both of my hands, looked him squarely in the eyes and told him, with all the energy of my heart, “THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. THIS IS SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED. THIS IS NOT SOMETHING YOU DID. YOU ARE GOING TO GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE, AND YOU ARE GOING TO REMEMBER, THIS.WAS.NOT.YOUR.FAULT.” We held each other tightly as I offered one last prayer. . . and then I got in my car, and I drove away. Changed. Knowing that for whatever reason, I had been in the right place, at exactly the right time.

A day shy of a week later, I found myself here, watching Chelsea give birth to her first child. A beautiful little girl. She was born 5lbs 6oz, with dark eyes, and a beautiful head full of hair. It was awesome—in the literal sense of the word: as in, I was full of awe at the beautiful miracle God was bringing to the Earth. After Baby J was born, she experienced a bit of distress, and Chelsea wasn’t able to hold her for long before they whisked her away. At that moment, Chelsea and I locked our tear filled eyes and she thanked me, in very few words that were full of every ounce of her heart. Again, I knew, there was nowhere else on Earth for me to be in that moment but there.

I don’t share these things from a base of egotism. Quite the opposite. I am humbled by the gifts God has given me in such quick succession. Gifts that have changed my heart, completely, and reminded me that THESE are the moments that life is all about. Moments of true, significant love and contribution. Moments where we let our guards down and simply love one another as God so freely loves us. Moments where we are able to see into the Heavens and to KNOW that somehow, someway, this is all part of a greater plan.

I hope these images touch you as much as they do me.

Like I said, when Baby J was born, she was quickly taken away from her mom to be checked by the “nursery team.”

She didn’t love them. Obviously. ;)

My favorite image of the day (times a million):

Chelsea simply watched her new daughter from afar, with so much love written all over her face you could smell it in the air.

Her mom showed her cell phone pictures of Baby J, so she could see close ups of her new daughter! I love this image, so much. Look at Chelsea’s face! RIGHT?!

I did a guest post on Kitchen Corners! Candied Pecan Salad. Check it out here.
My Making Things Happen post is up: The ART of Living. Read that here.
Register for Breathe: here.
Email me with questions regarding Breathe using the contact form above.

I’ve been thinking about The Breathe Intensive so much over the last few weeks since I posted information regarding the Las Vegas intensive coming in February. I’ve finally come to a conclusion!

I’m instituting a HUGE overhaul to the current model.

This isn’t a sales technique. This is simply the RIGHT thing to do. I want MORE people to be able to access this material, I want MORE people to have the opportunity to experience the life changing effects of coming to this workshop and putting in the work it requires.

The impact of this content should be felt deep and wide, and THIS is the way to do it.

Let me explain:

As much as I WISH I could accommodate each and every one of you, it’s logistically impossible.
Seats will go FAST at this price.

Register (here) TODAY!