cell phone picture of a print I found while packing. . . circa 2004


Today I’m grateful that this anniversary feels very different than all the rest. I finally feel closer to you rather than farther away. I’m four full years closer to seeing you again.  FOUR years. That’s a lot of time. That’s a lot of change. That’s a lot of learning. And that’s certainly a lot of growing. I miss you every day,  but I’m over the hump. I can now see WHY this had to be. I can see what it has given all of us. . . the kinds of people it has molded us in to. . . and I’m grateful. Sad and sorry it had to be this way? Of COURSE! But deeply grateful that God knows best. Grateful that He is willing to parent me in the very best way I need, even if it will cause me tremendous heart ache and excruciating pain. . . because He sees me not for who I am today, but for who I am meant to become, and He loves me enough to do whatever it takes to get me there.

I’m so grateful he’s willing to mold me. Kicking and screaming and fighting tooth and nail, He is still willing to mold me, because He loves me perfectly. I hope to become more like Him, Gavin. I hope to have the courage to parent your nephews in that same kind of way that our loving Heavenly Father parents me, because THAT is eternal love. THAT is love that sees beyond the here and now and into forever, together. I hope that I can follow His example, and with His merciful guidance, do whatever it takes.

Even if whatever it takes moves me away from my beautiful ocean . . .and to the middle of the desert. :)

I love you, Captain.