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Thoughts on childhood vaccines: featured on Phoenix, CBS 5.

click here to open post Nov 01, 2011 | posted in Baby Gavin, parenting, Personal, Sounds of Pertussis, vaccinations | 23 comments

The childhood vaccination debate is not one that I found myself anxious to join–for a zillion very obvious reasons, then ten more just for good measure. I needed time for my head to clear, for my emotions to even out and frankly, to get my facts straight before I jumped into the ring.

Now here we are (Richie and I, together), nearly 2 years later, talking from a place of confidence, understanding and compassion. There is no hate or anger behind any of our feelings as they relate to childhood vaccinations. There is no discord or frustration, only love, empathy and a desire to help others understand a perspective that often has no voice.

PS. As you read this, I’m on a plane to Hawaii. Niener, niener.

23 comments | add comment
  • Jo Thomas: Well done Nortons! A big brave step that I (and so many others) are glad you had the courage and strength to do. Attitudes won't be changed overnight but you WILL make a difference; for that we love and thank you!! Being from a sleepy little town down the bottom of Australia, it shocked me just how dismissive some people were of vaccinations (in watching the footage). I was just wondering if your medical system covers the cost of the vaccinations or if parents have to pay? Here our medical system covers the cost of the vaccinations and maternal health visits - as parents we don't pay a thing (I guess through our taxes we do!). To place our children into childcare, kindergartens and schools, it is a bit of a process for parents who have not had their children vaccinated - not overly hard but the system certainly encourages vaccinations. Prior to having children (firstborns) most parents attend antenatal classes and in these the issue of vaccinations is discussed and awareness is raised. The attitude of looking after ourself before the community is sadly something becoming more prevalent in our society. In days gone by, we didn't have the luxury of being able to support ourselves so sufficiently - we NEEDED the community. We weren't made to live alone, we were made to live and function and love as part of a community. Hopefully, with education and the gentle encouragement of people such as yourselves, people will be reminded of the necessity to keep caring for each other AS A COMMUNITY. Most people have good hearts and good intentions with what they do, sometimes it's just a little misguided; the big picture is forgotten. My son who had been fully vaccinated caught whooping cough when he was four and a half, thankfully without drastic consequences but he was a sick and fatigued boy for nearly 12 months - quite a change from the healthy, very energetic boy we had been used to. My doctor explained that, in a nutshell, with a significant number of people now neglecting to vaccinate their children the strands of illnesses that survive are becoming much stronger and new vaccines must be developed; this was always going to happen but it is occurring much more rapidly than what is acceptable. One horrid, frightful night was all we had to endure; I cannot imagine what it is like for parents like yourselves. Thank you again for standing up and speaking out with such compassion and understanding for the welfare and protection of all children, thank you so much, xoxo November 2, 2011 12:19 am
  • Jenni Bailey: Kudos to you guys for speaking up. I don't think anyone - even the most strident non-vaxxer, can argue with where you are coming from. They are incredibly fortunate to have never been in your position. For me, there has never been a question about vaccinating my girls. I totally understand the concern about the vaccines and how quickly some of them are tested and released. But the consequences of skipping them altogether are much more potentially heartbreaking. Big hugs to you both. Enjoy Hawaii. :) November 2, 2011 2:46 am
  • Melanie: I'm proud of you! There are so many naysayers and it IS trendy to not vaccinate and you catch a lot of flack for standing up for vaccinations. You are the community! My son has autism and I know it did NOT come from a vaccine and I have vaccinated all my children (2 more boys and a girl) and I have gotten my Dtap booster because I want them and all babies to be safe. Again, so proud of you for standing up for your sweet baby. November 2, 2011 3:38 am
  • maureen: Love to you and your family, Natalie. I know it couldn't have been easy for you to come out publicly and that you never intended to become a spokesperson for childhood vaccinations. Your perspective is such an important one though and I really thank you for sharing it. It's easy for people to be dismissive when they talk about their responsibility to some nameless, faceless "community" but you can't hear sweet Gavin's story and not realize that our responsibility has to extend beyond ourselves and our own family. November 2, 2011 3:39 am
  • heidi nobmann: great report from news 5--you both did great, no worries--feelings of animosity were not anywhere in the report :) the pediatrician, AD Jacobson, from phoenix was my doctor from BIRTH!! crazy small world! November 2, 2011 4:24 am
  • Shari Hanson: GO NORTONS! Wow that must have been scary...good for you guys for standing up for what you believe is right and for being able to share such a personal and tragic part of your family with the public. I have met parents like the ones interviewed and always have a hard time with not giving them a piece of my mind! You have no idea how many times I've shared your story with people -- even strangers... Gavin's life and death have impacted me SO strongly, and your willingness to share your experience and what you've learned through the process have taught me so much. XOXO enjoy HAWAII! November 2, 2011 5:33 am
  • Rachel Boatright DeVault: I have such deep respect for you for placing yourself in the line of fire to stand up for what is right! I know it's not a role you would choose, but I am moved by the humility it must take to allow yourself to be a target--so you can get the word out and be an effective catalyst for changing this rising tide of misinformation, trendiness, and fear. November 2, 2011 5:41 am
  • Lizzie: I just wish there could be more of a compromise for those (like me) who are not necessarily anti-vaccine, but who would definitely like an alternative vaccination schedule. I just don't feel comfortable injecting my infant with massive viral cocktails every few months, I'd rather wait until they're older and then ask for single-dose vaccinations, opting out of those that are rather unnecessary. Plus, there are increasing studies showing that many vaccinations are a poor substitute for natural immunity gained through contraction of a disease. I think above all, I wish that people could talk about this issue without placing blame on one side or other. Perhaps if we all put forth an effort to demand safety and accountability from pharmaceutical companies, we could all be happy. I find it hard to believe that with all their billions of dollars they couldn't come up with some safer, cleaner vaccinations. Or, maybe we are just sending kids to school to soon?! More and more preschools are filling up with two- and three-year-olds! Like I said, I don't have the answer for the world at large, I just wish people could be more civil when addressing the issue rather than making assumptions about how either side approaches the problem. It's hurtful to be pegged as "dismissive," "uneducated," "insensitive," "trendy," "wrong," "misinformed," or "fearful." I read. A lot. I study. A lot. I think, weigh, pray, talk to experts, doctors, friends, family, and pray some more. I do this . . . a lot. I thought it extremely interesting that those communities with the largest populations of unvaccinated kids in AZ, were NOT uneducated communities. That little bit of information right there ought to be a HUGE indicator that this isn't just a "trendy" movement. Smart people are educating themselves about the risks associated with vaccinations and, in many cases, deciding that they would rather not submit their child to that risk. What about their right to parental inspiration? How could anyone else demand that they know better than that parent? And what type of a frightening world would it be if others were allowed to override and contradict our own decisions regarding our children? That type of thinking chills me to the bone. No one knows my children better than the Lord, my husband, and I. So we, naturally, make up their best decision-making panel. I suppose I'll just keep praying, studying, talking, thinking, reading, and receiving inspiration for my children and simply HOPE that others can learn to respect my decisions as being the best for my children. I am, after all, their mother - which means I'm their first line of defense and their greatest advocate in this world - unlike their doctor, their government, their community, and their television news stations, who are not infallible and often have an agenda or are misinformed themselves. I feel this responsibility and don't treat this issue lightly. To the Norton's, I am deeply sorry for your loss. I pray for peace and comfort to fill your aching hearts. November 2, 2011 7:11 am
  • Kim: I love you. You are brave. I don't want to add a debate, but rather my two cents to the above comment, I agree you can be inspired as to what to do for your children, however, I believe that these vaccinations were also divinely inspired and it wasn't that far past that children were suffering needlessly from a lot of childhood illnesses where vast numbers were dying or left scarred for the rest of their lives. I think it goes into an even deeper level that we all know not to send our sick children to school and church, yet we do it anyway. When my daughter was a newborn she contracted a respiratory virus. When she was rushed to our children's hospital and I was sitting in the ER with her, doctors and nurses came to me very solemn throwing words like 'whooping cough' at me. My baby was 9 days old. Luckily for us she did not have Pertussis, but she did spend a week in the hospital with RSV. My point is, we all need to be a little more careful, a little more aware, and if we choose to hold our children off of vaccinations that is fine, but I am concerned about the children who never get them. They are divinely inspired and I stand by that. Love you Natalie. You and Richie are so brave and I love you deeply for your courage and strength. You teach me so much. Love love love love you! November 2, 2011 7:55 am
  • Jullee: Such a sad situation that not vaccinating your children has become trendy. What is this world coming to? I am absolutely pro vaccines and hope that the few will not cause irreversible harm to the masses. November 2, 2011 8:01 am
  • Lara Cheney: Natalie and Richie, I am sure that it was quite difficult to get into the childhood vaccine debate. I have heard about some people who haven't had their younger children vaccinated because of their older children having severe allergic reactions to the vaccines but I think too many people think it is ok not to vaccinate purely because they are afraid of whether it is more harmful than helpful. But, I remember being at Gavin's funeral and hugging my nearly 1 year old because life is so precious. Heavenly Father needed him home, not that it takes away the aches and pains but baby gavin is watching over and caring for you all. I remember wanting to come up to give you a big hug, but you were surrounded by your family and close friends and I wasn't wanting to intrude on that moment. I love you and hope that you are able to find more comfort and solace. Thank you for being a voice for those of us that think having our kids vaccinated is very important. November 2, 2011 8:11 am
  • Heather: I'm proud of you. I've never had super strong feelings either way but your voice absolutely needs to be heard. November 2, 2011 9:22 am
  • Jessi: Thank you thank you thank you for posting this. I'm so sorry for your loss. My sister and I are at odds over this subject. Friendly odds, but odds still. Fear is a horrible thing. November 2, 2011 10:32 am
  • Chantelle Wendt: Natalie. I have been following your blog since the day Gavin died. I have become very attached to your sweet family. I have four boys as well, and one on the way. I live in Northern California where pertusis is an epidemic, and there is one of the highest populations of unvaccinated children. I am terrified of bringing my baby home around December 3rd, knowing that there is a possibility he could get a disease that used to be non existant. It is very frusterated that when these parents who choose to not vaccinate their kids, they are taking away our choice as parents who have vaccinated to have our children exposed to the diseases we were trying to prevent. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us. You are right, we are going against what is the norm right now, even some of my siblings have chosen not to vaccinate their children. I admire your families faith and commitment to making a difference as you share your tragic loss. November 2, 2011 10:58 am
  • Amanda Day: That was powerful. I personally know people who slow their schedule of their child's vaccinations; and I am okay with that- not with opting out. Good for you for continuing to be outspoken about it! Have fun in Hawaii. November 2, 2011 12:02 pm
  • Jana: Just wanted you to know that because of you and your family, I was made aware of the adult vaccination for whopping cough and my children have received the routine vaccinations, but my husband and I went and got our vaccination. Thank you for your voice and baby Gavin's voice. November 2, 2011 5:22 pm
  • Jane Johnson: Thank you for your contribution to this news story, Nortons. I loved your part so much. But, why did they have to interview the hippies about the non-vaccinations? You could tell they were the extremists on the matter, and that last sound byte was obviously horrible. The vaccine debate is SO hard, I wish more people could be what you are in it--kind, compassionate, empathetic--on both sides! November 2, 2011 8:18 pm
  • April: Thank you. Because of you, my husband, myself, and several relatives are now vaccinated. We have 4 healthy boys and a little girl in heaven. My prayers and encouragement are with you. So, you're in az? I'm in az too. welcome! i'm sure it was hard to leave the north shore. i spent some time there too. November 3, 2011 8:29 am
  • Kate: I think you did great! Vaccines are definitely a hot button topic, and they are worth more investigation on both sides, in my opinion. But I must tell you that we decided to get the dtap for our 4 month old son because of you. We have two older sons who are perfectly immunized, but one of them had a really negative reaction to a vaccine, so we were going to proceed cautiously with our third son. But between our 2nd and 3rd son, we had our first daughter who died. And while I can't completely relate with everything you've been through with your sweet baby, I do know the ache of loosing one. Raising children...heck, LIFE in general is just such a delicate balancing act between trying to do what's the most healthy and stay alive. I give you props for your courage and speaking out about something that is obviously difficult and emotional for you. -Kate November 4, 2011 9:21 pm
  • Michelle: Great job on your interview. I feel so badly about the loss of your sweet baby. So heartbreaking-I can't even imagine how that would feel. I find it really interesting that they are saying that not vaccinating children is becoming very trendy. I feel completely the opposite. I haven't vaccinated 2 of my 3 children, but it is definitely a decision that I don't take lightly. We have had so many problems with Autism with my oldest son and after doing so much research and praying, etc, etc, we didn't feel comfortable vaccinating our other two-at least not now. But, I definitely don't feel like it is a popular decision where I live in UT-to be honest, I usually try not to bring it up because of the backlash that sometimes can happen. I do wish that they would present a better vaccination schedule so that babies aren't getting so many at one time. November 5, 2011 1:53 pm
  • Mickisha: Natalie thanks for being willing to share your personal story! Its so important for everyone to understand the reality that these diseases are making a comeback. Thanks for being willing to speak up not only about adult boosters but also childhood vaccinations! November 5, 2011 5:14 pm
  • tanya smith: The video is unavailable. I'd really love to hear what you had to say. Can I view it elsewhere? January 23, 2012 7:46 pm
  • natalie: I'm not sure! I'll try contacting the network. January 23, 2012 9:53 pm

click here to open post Oct 27, 2011 | posted in Baby Gavin, Inspire, Personal | 9 comments

handling what’s hard.

This week was hard in an inexplicable kind of way. I just felt really jumbled, confused and disoriented all week long—feelings that grief, unfortunately, has acquainted me with all too well.

I’m sorry the last few days have been so saturated with sorrow. It’s simply what is. I’ll pull it together when I’m ready.

In the mean time, I’m resting in this beautiful painting. If I play pretend, I can almost feel his warm little body against my chest—his weight centering me. . . keeping my heart and mind connected to the things that matter most.

Gosh I miss him.

But handling what’s hard is simply a part of this Earthly existence. Our ability to find calm within the inevitable storms of mortality is developed line upon line, as we trust in Him and retain an eternal perspective. Right? Right.

So on we’ll march. One foot joyfully in front of the other, until one day, all is made right again.

N

PS. This masterpiece was painted by my sweet cousin Ash Mae. If I had all the rainbows in all the world they wouldn’t be enough to help you see just how much light and joy this woman brings to the world. And thank you to Mom for commissioning her to paint it for me! Mom, I love you more than every star in the heavens . . . times infinity.

9 comments | add comment
  • kati: exquisite. tears! October 27, 2011 5:38 pm
  • Jamie: You and your sweet family have been on my mind and heart all week. Well that's a little lie, you enter my mind frequently ever since I saw your first post about Gavin. You are such a light and inspiration to the world yourself. You and your family have handled such heartbreak with grace, courage, vulnerability, all while having to do so publicly. Because of you and your sweet son I and my ENTIRE family is current on not only our pertussis shots but all our vaccines. My son is even ahead of schedule on his! We pray for your family and especially baby Gavin as a family, it is so touching to see my baby pray for yours...you are well loved, appreciated and admired for all you have done, continue to do and will do. Many many blessings and prayers being sent your way! XoXo, Jamie October 27, 2011 5:43 pm
  • Erin: This painting is Breathtaking. Ash Mae is a mastermind. Oh Natalie, there just aren't words. Consider yourself in my prayers. I hope this hard week floats into better and brighter ones. Love your buns. October 27, 2011 5:54 pm
  • Lisa Robbins: Natalie - I am not sure how I stumbled upon your blog today but it has certainly gripped my heart. I have bounced all around your posts, digging deeper in an attempt to piece your story together. You are beautiful. And through your words, your pen, I see God. You have undeniable strength that comes from him, even in your weakest moments. As you navigate the waves of piercing pain and emotion, may you truly feel the love of Christ embrace you like never before. Today, this week, this month, may he touch the depth of your pain and carry you through. Thank you for sharing your story. October 27, 2011 6:05 pm
  • Ranan Samanya: Greetings, My heart with you. May your grief and sorrow subside soon and the warmth of life fill you again. October 27, 2011 6:24 pm
  • Shari Hanson: oh for goodness sake! that is so beautiful. so, so, so beautiful... i'm so glad you have it to remind you of a peaceful moment when you bonded with your sweet angel baby. love you! hugs from HB October 27, 2011 6:30 pm
  • heidi: oh my--this painting is RAD! i have always loved that picture of you and baby gavin and to have it in watercolor--so so special. when i opened your blog my heart double skipped. October 27, 2011 7:56 pm
  • jana: just someone you don't know wanting to say thank you for sharing your story with us. you are so special. have you read the poem by mary oliver entitled "the journey". it made me think of you. October 31, 2011 4:13 am
  • Rachel Boatright DeVault: Don't apologize for sorrow; we naturally go up and down, sometimes in larger arcs and sometimes in smaller arcs. You're human. An incredible human, at that. I love this painting. November 9, 2011 5:03 am

just be.

click here to open post Oct 26, 2011 | posted in Inspire, on the agenda, Personal | 2 comments

Find me on Instagram: Natalie Norton

Sorry I went rogue last week and forgot to blog. Truth was, I didn’t have reliable internet access– for an entire week. (My definition of Heaven on Earth).

It was so nice to just BE.

I feel like being, in the sense of being totally present in life, is something we have to really fight for in today’s day and age.  I’m here to tell you, the fight is ALWAYS worth it, 1,000%.

Truth is, I really needed this.

I really needed time away from this new life I’m trying to navigate. The world is vastly different here from home. Faster, louder, all together crazier. I’m happy here in Arizona, don’t get me wrong. I am, after all, “a bloom where you’re planted” kind of gal, but it’s an adjustment (to say the very least).

I’m so thankful for the time we spent near the ocean, soaking in the soft, humid air, breathing in friendship and laughter and so much love it made you crazy.

Yes, I needed a break. I needed the ocean. I needed my family. I needed my friends. . . I needed some time to just be.

N

2 comments | add comment
  • Krista: I understand the whole "bloom where you are planted" but it is not always an easy adjustment. We made an international move 6 months ago and I am still struggling. I miss my friends, family and the places I went... my regular haunts if you will :) I hope that your adjustment period ends quickly and smoothly and you can feel like your blooming rather than just thinking about it :) I stumbled onto your blog when everything was happening with baby Gavin and I want you to know that I think you are amazingly strong and such an example of strength and grace. Thank goodness for the plan of salvation and the knowledge that you are an eternal family who will be together again. Plus you are a fantastic photographer and when we return to the states I will be coming to AZ if you are still there to get photos done. Have a blessed week !! October 26, 2011 9:48 pm
  • Rachel Boatright DeVault: This resonated with me: "I’m happy here in Arizona, don’t get me wrong. I am, after all, “a bloom where you’re planted” kind of gal, but it’s an adjustment (to say the very least)." It gives me permission to A) Feel happy here in TX and B) Forgive myself for still having a riproaring hard time. November 9, 2011 4:52 am

The story of a girl, on a day like today.

click here to open post Oct 24, 2011 | posted in Baby Gavin, Inspire, Personal | 64 comments

I knew this girl once.

She was happy and brave. She had a skip in her step and a song in her heart. She loved the world completely, and the world loved her right back again.

The girl grew up.

And sometimes, she felt as if the world had stopped loving her quite so much. . . or just maybe, he’d forgotten about her altogether.

The girl felt all alone.

The girl cried. She cried and she cried and she cried.

A hundred rivers, she cried to overflowing, and then she cried some more.

Then one day, the girl woke up, and she didn’t want to cry any more.

The girl wanted to laugh.

She wanted to laugh, and she wanted to sing! She wanted to skip, and she wanted to dance!

She wanted to love the world, and she wanted to show the world how to love her right back again.

The girl declared war on her hurt, and she sang as loud as she could to overcome the sound of her sorrow.

The girl had forgotten how to skip, so she learned how to RUN instead.

She ran and she ran and she ran.

She wasn’t running away from the wanting, or the anger, or the sadness, oh no! NO no no no no! She was running right over the top of it all. Showing herself that she was strong, and brave, and that she had so much fight left in her. Enough fight for all the world (and then even more left over, just in case).

The girl found her smile again. The girl found her courage.

The girl had proven that she (and you) can overcome anything in life, just so long as you stay brave and keep right on loving (and believing in) the world, no matter what.

So even though the girl knows that in a different life, on a day like today, she’d be buying balloons and baking a cake. . .

Or that in some other world, she’d be living through a cleaning frenzy, preparing for a neighborhood full of smiling faces and hours upon hours of happy celebration. . .

Or that in another life, she’d be singing Happy Birthday To You and dancing the night away. . .

She’s Ok.

Bruised, but not beaten.

Yes, today, she’s dying from so much ache. The wanting is heavy on her chest, and the hurt keeps finding it’s way to the girl’s stomach until she can literally feel the vomit rising into her throat.

Yes, she wonders what he’d look like.

She wonders how he’d sound.

She wonders how his little 2 year old fingers would feel in her hand or how his sweet head would smell as it rested upon her shoulder.

Yes, the girl has much to wonder about. . .But one thing is clear.

He’s hers, not matter what. He’s her’s forever, and though, on a day like today, she’s filled with pain so deep and so wide that no number of tears could ever hope to wash it away, the girl knows that this day will be but a moment. And one day, sooner than later, this pain, so deep and so wide that it threatens to swallow her away, will be filled with joy twice as deep as is her sorrow.

Happy birthday handsome. Mommy loves you times a MILLION.

64 comments | add comment
  • jenni bailey: Natalie, I am so incredibly grateful to you for sharing your stories and your strength. I don't actually know you but I can honestly say that I think about you all the time (in a totally non-weirdo, non-stalkerish way I PROMISE). You have been and continue to be an inspiration to me. I can't imagine how it feels to write a post like this but just know that you have big, virtual (non-creepy) hugs coming at you from all over the place. October 24, 2011 10:23 am
  • Marissa Kloess: I love you Natalie Norton! You are an incredible woman and I know that Baby Gavin loves you so much and so does God. xoxo October 24, 2011 10:30 am
  • Em: sending a prayer as big and powerful as the hug I want to give you right now. your heart is beautiful and God shines so bright when you share the strength and joy through your pain. xoxo. October 24, 2011 10:31 am
  • Amy sobrito: your blog hit so close to home today. we just lost our 22 year old daughter last Sunday and I'm still totally stuck in the saddening fog. your words were encouraging, so so encouraging. I know someday I'll find the happy place again, just for right now, things feel so dark and sad. happy birthday to your sweet baby boy Natalie. x October 24, 2011 10:34 am
  • jac kaiser: natalie, you are such an inspiration of what life is all about. i think of you every time i run and hope someday we'll be running buddies :) happy birthday gavin. the world is a better place because you were (and still are) a part of it. i'll eat a cupcake in you honor!!! October 24, 2011 10:34 am
  • Heather: Happy Birthday Sweet Gavin! We love you TONS and TONS! There's no doubt you know that though! xoxox October 24, 2011 10:37 am
  • Jennifer: Natalie and family...I am crying tears of joy and sorrow for sweet baby Gavin today. Thanks for the reminder to hold them close. October 24, 2011 10:39 am
  • Natasha: Baby Gavin touched my heart. His story, and your story are a part of me (and so many others) because you have chosen to share your journey. I am thankful for your words, they reach me all of the time. Happy Birthday to your precious boy. Hugs to you mamma, You are amazing! October 24, 2011 10:39 am
  • Amelialyon: Natalie, you are beautiful! Thankyou for sharing, I needed this today. Love you friend, sad we had to miss out while you were in town. You continue to strengthen me just when I least expect it & yes you do still have a TON of fight left in you!! Happy birthday to Gavin! October 24, 2011 11:03 am
  • Stacie Shea Events: Natalie you brought tears to my eyes and smiles to my heart. You are inspiration for mothers, and mothers-to-be. I hope one day I can be even a tenth of the mother you are! Love to you and your family today... October 24, 2011 11:04 am
  • Emilie: (((HUGS))) Happy birthday baby Gavin!!! :) October 24, 2011 11:14 am
  • Drew Renner: My hearts aches for you guys on this day, but my prayers are for you to be converted. I cant imagine how you have all gone through this trial in your lives, but a commend you for standing tall giving us all courage as we fight our own struggles. May heavenly father be with you all, we love you. October 24, 2011 11:15 am
  • rachel B: I never saw that face. I LOVE IT! You can tell his personality is just as unique as the rest of the NORTON clan. What an impact this little guy made. We love you! October 24, 2011 11:17 am
  • Monique Schaffer: Warm thoughts and prayers from South Dakota. You continue to inspire me.. and if it had not been for baby Gavin I would have not found you. October 24, 2011 11:44 am
  • Kristen: Love you, Nat. Forever. October 24, 2011 11:45 am
  • stephanie joy: Love you Nortons- today and always! October 24, 2011 12:05 pm
  • Aileen Reilly: Thinking of you and your boys today. Wonderful blog post. Love you. A October 24, 2011 12:15 pm
  • kristina leao: Hi! i dont know you personally but am friends with some of your friends and family and stumbled upon your post. I remember reading about your sweet gavin before and as i read this post i couldn''t help but tear up... and admire you so much for how faithful and honest you are about your pain and testimony of eternal families. thank you so much for sharing and know you are in MANY prayers. October 24, 2011 12:28 pm
  • Julee George: That is a precious/inspiring story. Thank you for sharing, as always, so eloquently. I cannot wait to see the eternal happily ever after! Happy Birthday, sweet, perfect boy! October 24, 2011 12:29 pm
  • Blair Van Bussel: Natalie, my heart just hurts for you. I know that baby Gavin was so blessed to have you as his mommy for is short, but very beautiful life. You are such an inspiration! October 24, 2011 12:49 pm
  • Liz: Natalie - what a beautifully, honestly written post - from the heart. Little Gavin is so blessed to have you as his mother. You and your family will be in my prayers tonight. October 24, 2011 1:00 pm
  • April: Hugs to you and your family today :) Happy Birthday Gavin :) xoxo October 24, 2011 1:03 pm
  • Tami Nelson: Happy Birthday Sweet Gavin!!! October 24, 2011 1:43 pm
  • Marie Rose: Today I woke up and was so crazy busy recovering from a long weekend spent in the mountains that for a moment I forgot what today was. I ran about my buisness cleaning house and filling the cabinets with food they desperately needed....and then my mom called. She asked me if I was coming to the Halloween festivities tomorrow. I asked her what day that was and she said "The 25th I think"...and then it hit me...like a ton of bricks it hit me. I could scarcely finish the conversation. I hung up the phone and sat at my kitchen table and looked at the calendar. How could I forget, if even for a moment? I've been thinking about this day for weeks and what I could do to let you know that I haven't forgotten. I wouldn't forget a day like this because it means so much to you and because you have touched my life so deeply. I quickly grabbed my phone and sent you a txt with a promise to myself that I would write you a magnificent email later and tell you I love you and am thinking of you. Well, now I'm at work and I've had a moment to breathe and baby Gavin walked right into my thoughts. I dropped everything and ran to the computer, sure enough I found this post... so strong, so brave, so very Natalie and it reminded me how much you didn't need any uplifting words from me because you are a rockstar and are doing it beautifully, but I do want you to know that you are never far for my thoughts especially around this time of year. As I decorated my house exactly one month ago I thought of you and what kind of fabulous party you'd be throwing if you had the chance and I rememembered to soak it all in just a little bit longer for your sake. One day you will throw that fabulous birthday for your sweet little boy and it was be so grand! I can not wait for that day for you. I love your face and think you are AH-MAZING. Much love my friend! October 24, 2011 1:55 pm
  • Ashley: Happy Birthday, Gavin! Natalie, you are nothing short of amazing. October 24, 2011 2:49 pm
  • Tonia: It has been on my to do list for over a year, but I finally got my Tdap boster vaccine this week thanks to you- Happy birthday Baby Gavin! October 24, 2011 3:21 pm
  • Marci: Happy Birthday to Gavin! Thank you for all your honest and inspiring posts. I have learned so much from you Natalie! October 24, 2011 3:53 pm
  • Erin Peterson: So beautiful. I'm thinking about you and Gavin today. I'm thinking about how your story has made me a better mother. I'm thinking about how your testimony has made me want to share mine. I'm loving the stranger that you are to me and feeling as if you are a friend. October 24, 2011 3:55 pm
  • Jessica: I love you. My heart is aching and joyous for you at the same time! You have lived through another year and given and given and given. Thank you! You and your dear family are in my prayers. October 24, 2011 4:20 pm
  • Kara Couch: You are amazing! You have inspired me so many times. And again you inspire me as I face one of the scariest challenges of my life. Thank you! I am grateful that Heavenly Father lead me to your old blog! October 24, 2011 4:37 pm
  • Metta Prieto: Natalie, I can't believe it has been two years since the whole nation of photographers and Norton-family lovers waited with baited breath to hear about the birth and then the incredibly tragic death of baby Gavin. Two years, but I'm bawling right now as if it's been two days. Kisses to your heart. October 24, 2011 5:01 pm
  • Rachel Boatright DeVault: Nat, I love you. I grieve with you and I rejoice in the truth with you, too. I know you'll hold him again, and not just with your heart and soul. October 24, 2011 5:09 pm
  • kati: i read this post while my almost-two-year-old boy took his nap in my arms this afternoon and bawled and felt so thankful for him. i don't know how you're as strong and brave and incredible as you are, and i wish you didn't even have to be, or have to know how strong you really are... but and gavin and your beautiful boys are shining lights in the darkness!! happy birthday, mama! October 24, 2011 5:16 pm
  • Susan: And we love you times a million back! Wishing you all the love I can give today! October 24, 2011 5:37 pm
  • Jenn Albertson: Natalie I just went and woke the girls up and hugged them. Thank you for always reminding me to look and really SEE what is in front of me, even if it's just unrolled a whole roll of toilet paper or spilled glitter on the floor. Happy Birthday to your very handsome Gavin, never forget that he wants you to keep singing and running. October 24, 2011 6:22 pm
  • Melody: I love that picture! He has that cute little newborn/ tiny old man thing happening. I've been thinking about you guys even more lately as his birthday was approaching. I hope you guys can feel the huge wall of love that we're throwing at you. October 24, 2011 6:22 pm
  • Courtney: Natalie, I have been thinking about you today and wishing for a few minutes to sit down and write you a note. This blog post is amazing. You are amazing. Over the past year you have seemed to be there with wonderful REAL words of wisdom every time I have needed it. You have touched a million lives. You and your sweet baby boy have changed people around the world. You have changed me and I thank you so much for that. I love your honesty, your willingness to be real and open and heartfelt when it would be so easy to hide behind the pain. Keep running, keep loving, keep looking up at the sky knowing he is there with you all the time. October 24, 2011 7:02 pm
  • Janet Williams: So beautifully written, Natalie. Thank you for your big heart. Thank you for sharing it. From the first time I visited you in the hospital with newborn Raleigh you have been an inspirational mother. I'll never forget that feeling that day. You inspire me still every day. Feel loved always, especially today. October 24, 2011 7:07 pm
  • Angie: Remember that one time I thought you were the cutest, sweetest, bravest girl? I still think that. And even though we still have never met ( well we actually met in a dream and I gave you a huge hug and of course cried) I still love you to pieces! Thinking of you today and sending prayers of peace. Oh, and im so happy you found your smile again. It's so beautiful. October 24, 2011 7:29 pm
  • Jenni: My heart aches for you, Nat. You are an exemplar of strength to all of us and we all have much to learn from you. Love you guys. October 24, 2011 8:20 pm
  • natalie: Amy, I'm so deeply sorry to hear about your daughter. I'm emailing you. Keep an eye out for it. Love, Natalie October 25, 2011 3:12 am
  • erica jaggears: Stay strong today. Know that your angel is smiling and so proud of his Mommy and your strength. I tool have 3 boys that just celebrated their 3rd birhtdy in heaven. It is never easy, but I find comfort in knowing in the future we will all be together again. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers today. You are an amamzing mother and you should be proud of that. Happy Birthday Gavin. October 25, 2011 5:18 am
  • Mandy: Hey Nat:D Love you so much!! Sending a HUGE warm hug right from my heart to yours. Love you so much!!:D squeeeeeeeeeeeeeze!!!! squeeeeeeeze again and again. LOVE YOU NORTONS!!!:D the kongaikas:D October 25, 2011 6:34 am
  • Claire Atherfold: xoxo....thinking of you and your family, always. October 25, 2011 6:42 am
  • crystal winger: I am crying with you. What an angel he is. So sad, but so happy you have found strength in all of this. Thinking of your family and your sweet son. October 25, 2011 7:39 am
  • April Garff: You don't know me, but I seriously cried for an hour reading your story---even though I'm on bed rest, I cheated and got up a couple of times to hug my almost 2 year old son, just to let him and Heavenly Father know how blessed and grateful I am to have him in my life. I lost my first two pregnancies and was devastated for MONTHS. If that was hard for me, I can only imagine what you've been through. I know life can be so very precious and so fragile. My heart aches for you and your sweet family. Your post today was so amazing, so strong---you have definitely changed my life for the better, and I am sure there are so many more that you don't even know about who have been impressed and improved by reading the courage and faith in your words. I truly hope you and your Gavins get to see each other again soon (but not too soon...) because I am sure your sweet baby knows just how much you love him and what a difference you have made in the world. Thank you! October 25, 2011 10:34 am
  • kelli eudis: A prayer for you and your sweet family today. Happy Birthday baby Gavin. October 25, 2011 11:24 am
  • ern: Hope you don't mind me commenting, one of my friends posted a link to this entry on facebook and I cried while I read it. I think anyone who has grown up can relate to this in a small way. Thank you for helping me remember that life is for singing. October 25, 2011 12:02 pm
  • Amie W: Your words are like oxygen to my soul. I love you Natalie Norton. October 25, 2011 1:36 pm
  • angela b: Very, Very grateful for your sharing. My husband and I lost our 3 month old baby boy.. my fourth son... Seth. Exactly 3 months... Would have been one year old this past Sunday.. October 23rd. Your post brings my heart courage. Bless you! October 25, 2011 1:49 pm
  • Stacey: Dear Gavin, happy birthday. As children we wrote messages to our littlest brother each year on his birthday and attached them to helium balloons... to rise up over the mountain and into heaven. It's been a sweet tradition for our family. October 25, 2011 1:53 pm
  • April: what a sweet tribute! your feelings echo mine. i have a little girl in heaven that would be two years old. time does begin to heal us :) October 25, 2011 5:01 pm
  • chelsea: what a beautiful post! You are an inspiration. Happy birthday to your sweet boy..I'm sure he spent the day with you. October 25, 2011 5:58 pm
  • Amanda: Oh my word, that picture is so precious!! I love his facial expression. I hate that there are parents who are missing their baby, there shouldn't be that wondering, but alas there is :(. I really appreciate your perspective and your testimony, thank you for sharing! October 25, 2011 7:39 pm
  • Jo Thomas: As a mother, my heart aches for you, Natalie. I just don't know how the world would make sense if I lost one of my children and I hope (I pray) I never will know. You love people so deeply, that it must make it hurt so much more. Don't ever stop loving the world and all it's beautiful children as deeply as you do; it's what makes you so inspiring. It's what has made Gavin's life so much LARGER than his brief weeks with you. Happy Birthday Gavin, thank you for being born, for being a part of so many people's lives xoxo October 25, 2011 11:45 pm
  • Laura: Thank you for sharing your strength, your story and Baby Gavin's story. You have both truly touched my life. I also want to say thank you for sharing these links and your experience with running. 2 weeks ago, I had a miscarriage (my 4th) and on my car ride home from the hospital, I thought of you and I thought of running. I had this urge, that came from somewhere I didn't know I had (because I HATE running), but I had the urge to run. I wanted to run and just hash out all the feelings and emotions deep inside of me. Like you put it, i just want to run and let me feet BEAT right over the top of the hurt. I just hit the 2 week mark and can start working out again. How in the world do I do this? I don't know. I just want to do SOMETHING. Anyway, thank you for your posts and your inspiring thoughts on running. And even more...Happy Birthday little Gavin! October 26, 2011 9:09 am
  • Susan: Oh Natalie... You are inspiring. Thank you for helping me remember to hold my son a little closer and a little longer. October 26, 2011 2:45 pm
  • Stacia: Natalie & family- wishing your littlest boy the happiest of birthdays. I think of you often, as my little one turned two in September. And I know I speak for many when I say that Gavin's story and your courage inspire us all to be more patient, more present and more grateful for even the most difficult of days. Thank you. October 27, 2011 3:40 am
  • Vandi: This was incredible. You are incredible. Thank you for sharing your life and feelings with the world. You are making a difference. I'm sure your little Gavin is so proud of his momma. You are pointing the way in amazing ways. Thanks for your fight, your strength, your fierce faith. It's changing lives. October 27, 2011 7:59 am
  • Tawna: Thank you for sharing What Matters Most and being the incredible example of strength that you are. Happy Birthday wishes to sweet, precious Gavin...and hugs to your heart! October 29, 2011 4:33 am
  • Fronica: Natalie, I've been thinking about you and your family lately, which has lead me here to your blog. Just want to say, we love you and your family tons!! Thank you for being you. Your strength, honesty and sincerity are amazing. You change people's lives for the better. Hugs and kisses being sent your way from the Saurman's!! xoxo October 29, 2011 11:02 pm
  • countesskaz: The Lord sent me to find your blog. I'm in South Africa and forund your blog randomly. You write so profoundly and beautifully and echoes so much in my heart. A true inspiration to me.Thank you for sharing outlook on life with us. October 31, 2011 12:08 am
  • Hello, 2012. I resolve. | Natalie Norton Photography Hello, 2012. I resolve. | Blog: [...] came, as success often does, littered amid some really overwhelming (and even devastating)  transition and pain. So yes, my feelings toward 2011 (and subsequently 2012) are muddled, and rightly [...] January 3, 2012 12:02 am
  • heather: I found your blog via facebook. Thank you for sharing your story. You are amazing. I look forward to reading your blog. February 9, 2012 1:48 pm

Looking up, looking in.

click here to open post Oct 12, 2011 | posted in God is Good, Inspire, Personal | 10 comments

It was a fast forward kind of day. Go go go. All day long.

And there I was standing in a strip center, a million and one things happening all around me. . . and I stopped. I leaned back onto the hood of my car, took a deep breath and I looked into the sky.

This was all that I could see.

This simple little tree, quietly going about his business, growing, growing, growing up toward the Heavens.

Little Tree is completely focused and completely unaware of the chaos alllllll around him. He’s happy, because he doesn’t waste his precious energy worrying over things and stuff and more things and more stuff. Little Tree just keeps his eyes on the sky and climbs, climbs, climbs, patiently and intentionally toward his goal.

I want to be more like Little Tree. Looking up. Calming down. Focusing in. Being still and knowing, really knowing, that He IS God, and that none of this stuff really matters, anyway.

What DOES matter you ask? Laughter, love, truth, kindness, life long learning and of course, watching soccer huddles at sunset.

All images from this post shot using the Instagram App the for Iphone.  Instagram, thank you, sincerely. You make my world a brighter place.

10 comments | add comment
  • Rachel Boatright DeVault: There is so, so much love in my heart for you, Natalie. October 13, 2011 7:57 am
  • Sarah: THANK YOU...Really needed this today...ESPECIALLY TODAY. October 13, 2011 8:44 am
  • Em: Love this post. Reminds me of my favorite chapter in The House on Mango Street ... Four skinny trees : "Four who grew despite concrete. Four who reach and do not forget to reach. Four whose only reason is to be and be. " October 13, 2011 9:13 am
  • Munro Murdock: Love it! Thanks for sharing the pics, the insights and the app recommendation. October 13, 2011 9:18 am
  • Kailey-Michelle: Love this! Makes my heart sing..very loud :) October 13, 2011 10:10 am
  • Shelly: LOVE this. Truer words -- never spoken. Makes me happy. October 13, 2011 2:44 pm
  • natalie: Shelly, Love you! How you feeling!? October 14, 2011 3:07 am
  • natalie: Kailey-Michelle, I love hearts that sing loud! :) October 14, 2011 3:07 am
  • natalie: Em, Oh! I've been meaning to read that book for YEARS. I think you've officially inspired me to go out and get it, finally! October 14, 2011 3:37 am
  • natalie: Rachel, LIKEWISE times a million! October 14, 2011 3:37 am