Above: me, wrapped in my swaddling clothes…
Hello friends!
I’m sorry I’ve been MIA this week.
I’m not going to color coat my life for the blogosphere… I’m in a genuine funk. I miss my brother, I miss my son and all this missing makes me feel like I’m quietly losing my mind.
Every time I close my eyes, vivid memories, horrifying memories flood my consciousness.
Showers are the worst; I didn’t realize how much deep, closed eyed thinking went on during showers.
I’d rather stay dirty, thank you.
I knew this anniversary would be hard, I just didn’t anticipate the person it would turn me in to. I’m grouchy and melancholy, and for the first time in a long time, I actually feel sorry for myself.
Bleh. I hate this version of me.
The happy news is that I respect myself enough to let myself ride this wave. One of the greatest gifts I can give myself through grief is the opportunity to simply be where I am, without frustration, without judgment.
Because this too shall pass.
It most certainly shall…
N
Note: blogged from my phone. Please pardon any crazy formatting or grammatical oversights… Muah!