Life is too deep for words, so don’t try to describe it, just live it. C.S. LEWIS
The irony is that I am in fact going to attempt to describe the current state of my life. . . but now, at least when I fall short, you’ll understand that my meaning extends much deeper than the words selected to portray it. . .
Note: I’m not promising poetry. Not a single bit. But I am promising truth. Unfiltered. Unedited. TRUTH. And even as I write this, I’m fighting tooth and nail to stay in the space it deserves. (Because all of this is, after all, a fight. Every single minute.)
The speed at which my life moves is uncomfortable for me. I’m a fan follower of simplicity—to my core. I’m a believer in, an advocate of a PROTECTOR of peace, and I’m constantly in search of a real, a quiet, and an uneventful life.
My life? Well, it’s been anything but.
“How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterwards.” Tears are streaming down my face as I write those words.
To do nothing.
And to rest afterwards.
Oh good mother of Jonas, yes.
And yet, the current state of my life does anything, ANYTHING, but fall under any realm of (anything even remotely related to) this description this intense longing of my soul.
And I’m reminded of a reality that I KNOW but have forgotten—forgotten to FIGHT FOR.
My life (my heart) is exactly as I make it.
Every.single.day. If I am frazzled and unbalanced, it is because I am making choices that lead my life to be such. If I am stressed and overwhelmed, again, I am opting in to that view of my reality. If I am bogged down and ready to simply tap out, I am in fact choosing this state of being: I’m choosing to see my circumstances, my LIFE, through this distorted lens. I am allowing these feelings to overtake my soul.
AND I KNOW THESE THINGS. I do. I do, do, do, do, do.
I am committed to living a happy, peaceful, centered life. I am committed to FIGHTING to protect my heart, my family, my LIFE, from the damaging effects of distraction: distraction that comes in the form of over stimulation, over scheduling, over planning, over thinking, over committing.
My overarching goal in life is to BE. To be completely alive, and to be completely available—no matter the circumstances! Because . . . well let’s face it, life is BIG HUGE! Life is made of energy, crazy, unpredictable variables, and wickedly insane circumstances that we absolutely cannot control. BUT WE CAN CONTROL OUR RESPONSE. We can absolutely, and always, control that.
The fact of the matter is, I value (on a cellular level) being c o m p l e t e l y a v a i l a b l e to the people and things that matter most in my life (as they have been intentionally defined by ME). And, I REFUSE to get so busy with “other” things that I’m too emotionally and spiritually unavailable to feel the grass grow beneath my feet and to smell the clouds as they roll by—full of beautiful, life giving rain. I refuse to be too busy to know God, in every minute, and in every sense, and I refuse to be too distracted not to deliberately move at the pace of my heart, the pace of my true intention—the pace of my peace (again, as it has been consciously defined by me).
Ultimately, here is the goal:
Natalie (and the rest of you),
Don’t you dare get caught up in them. In their pace. In their illusion of living—not that you’re judging it, not even a little. Just that you know yourself; you know yourself completely enough to know that life at this pace is simply not the life for you.
You know what resonates with your soul—now fight for it. No matter the cost.
Move forward in gratitude, peace and love. Every day, and in every way. This is your life, and it’s too deep for words. Just get your heart out there, and LIVE IT. . . . Today.
Note: I ultimately wrote this for me, and a little bit for you, but mostly for me. I write to emotionally purge. And purge I have. I feel physically lighter having worked through this here. So thank you for reading. . . and um, thank me for writing. . . and ultimately, thank Tara (sincerely) for starting it all.