let's be friends, wanna?

click here to open post Oct 27, 2011 | posted in Baby Gavin, Inspire, Personal | 9 comments

handling what’s hard.

This week was hard in an inexplicable kind of way. I just felt really jumbled, confused and disoriented all week long—feelings that grief, unfortunately, has acquainted me with all too well.

I’m sorry the last few days have been so saturated with sorrow. It’s simply what is. I’ll pull it together when I’m ready.

In the mean time, I’m resting in this beautiful painting. If I play pretend, I can almost feel his warm little body against my chest—his weight centering me. . . keeping my heart and mind connected to the things that matter most.

Gosh I miss him.

But handling what’s hard is simply a part of this Earthly existence. Our ability to find calm within the inevitable storms of mortality is developed line upon line, as we trust in Him and retain an eternal perspective. Right? Right.

So on we’ll march. One foot joyfully in front of the other, until one day, all is made right again.

N

PS. This masterpiece was painted by my sweet cousin Ash Mae. If I had all the rainbows in all the world they wouldn’t be enough to help you see just how much light and joy this woman brings to the world. And thank you to Mom for commissioning her to paint it for me! Mom, I love you more than every star in the heavens . . . times infinity.

9 comments | add comment
  • kati: exquisite. tears! October 27, 2011 5:38 pm
  • Jamie: You and your sweet family have been on my mind and heart all week. Well that's a little lie, you enter my mind frequently ever since I saw your first post about Gavin. You are such a light and inspiration to the world yourself. You and your family have handled such heartbreak with grace, courage, vulnerability, all while having to do so publicly. Because of you and your sweet son I and my ENTIRE family is current on not only our pertussis shots but all our vaccines. My son is even ahead of schedule on his! We pray for your family and especially baby Gavin as a family, it is so touching to see my baby pray for yours...you are well loved, appreciated and admired for all you have done, continue to do and will do. Many many blessings and prayers being sent your way! XoXo, Jamie October 27, 2011 5:43 pm
  • Erin: This painting is Breathtaking. Ash Mae is a mastermind. Oh Natalie, there just aren't words. Consider yourself in my prayers. I hope this hard week floats into better and brighter ones. Love your buns. October 27, 2011 5:54 pm
  • Lisa Robbins: Natalie - I am not sure how I stumbled upon your blog today but it has certainly gripped my heart. I have bounced all around your posts, digging deeper in an attempt to piece your story together. You are beautiful. And through your words, your pen, I see God. You have undeniable strength that comes from him, even in your weakest moments. As you navigate the waves of piercing pain and emotion, may you truly feel the love of Christ embrace you like never before. Today, this week, this month, may he touch the depth of your pain and carry you through. Thank you for sharing your story. October 27, 2011 6:05 pm
  • Ranan Samanya: Greetings, My heart with you. May your grief and sorrow subside soon and the warmth of life fill you again. October 27, 2011 6:24 pm
  • Shari Hanson: oh for goodness sake! that is so beautiful. so, so, so beautiful... i'm so glad you have it to remind you of a peaceful moment when you bonded with your sweet angel baby. love you! hugs from HB October 27, 2011 6:30 pm
  • heidi: oh my--this painting is RAD! i have always loved that picture of you and baby gavin and to have it in watercolor--so so special. when i opened your blog my heart double skipped. October 27, 2011 7:56 pm
  • jana: just someone you don't know wanting to say thank you for sharing your story with us. you are so special. have you read the poem by mary oliver entitled "the journey". it made me think of you. October 31, 2011 4:13 am
  • Rachel Boatright DeVault: Don't apologize for sorrow; we naturally go up and down, sometimes in larger arcs and sometimes in smaller arcs. You're human. An incredible human, at that. I love this painting. November 9, 2011 5:03 am

Everyday, do one thing that scares you.

click here to open post Oct 25, 2011 | posted in Baby Gavin, Sounds of Pertussis | 12 comments

Today, I did something that I’ve been really, really afraid of. I spoke to a reporter about childhood vaccinations.

For the past year and a half, I’ve been an open advocate for the importance of adult booster vaccines. I’ve been actively involved in the Sounds of Pertussis Campaign where, in conjunction with the March of Dimes, we’ve promoted the importance of the Tdap booster to create a sort of “cacoon of protection” around infants who are too young to have yet received their Pertussis vaccination.

But childhood vaccinations? This, my friends, is a whole new ballgame.

I’m afraid I’m heading blindly into a war zone. . .  like a lamb to the slaughter, you might say. Only time will tell.

Dear world, Go easy on me, K? I didn’t ask for any of this.

N

12 comments | add comment
  • Melody: I'm totally behind you. This is not something I want to argue about with people. I am pretty outspoken about the adult booster but people get crazy upset about childhood vaccinations! I don't like to tell parents what to do with their own kids but it does really suck that people can essentially make decisions about what other people's babies are exposed to by not vaccinating their own kids. That doesn't seem fair. It's a lot like how I thought it would be a good decision not to get a big dog because I don't want to deal with big poops in my yard. It's pretty lame that my neighbor got to make that decision for me by letting his big dog run free and poop in my yard. Not cool, man. Not cool. October 25, 2011 7:30 pm
  • Amanda: You are so inspiring, I wish that people could truly understand the impact of their actions and the fact that they are not only taking a chance with their child, but with someone else's child who they don't have control over :(. I am sure there will be many people who are touched and influenced by you and I hope that those who disagree will realize that you are speaking from experiences and be considerate! October 25, 2011 7:45 pm
  • Sarah in Adelaide: I think you are doing a great thing Natalie. I have always been open to individuals choosing what they deem is the best for their children, however the more I research this issue the more I am changing my mind on the issue of vaccinations. I would never want to live in a work where parents are no longer able to choose such things for their children but the alternatives are all too severe as you know all too well. I don't know what the answer is, but with vaccination rates on the decline we must speak out and if you have helped one child by doing so then the potential war is worth it. Sending strength and love. October 25, 2011 9:18 pm
  • Jo Thomas: Natalie, I believe one of the greatest evils of this world is indifference. Indifference to our fellow human companions does more damage than trying to help and getting it miserably wrong. You are NEVER indifferent; you pick something, you choose a side and you fight passionately. That takes courage because there are always going to be people who disagree with you, but even those who disagree will be inspired by your commitment to your beliefs. You are following every parents instinct - you are STANDING UP for your child; as a parent this is always our first priority. Doesn't matter what the rest of the world thinks. For the record, don't think for one second that I think you are getting it miserably wrong by advocating childhood vaccinations (I'm assuming you are for them? You've never really voiced your opinion?). It's such a sensitive issue and I know you will handle it with the understanding, encouraging nature you apply to everything. Yes, there are things that can go wrong with childhood vaccinations but it is my opinion that there are so many more things that can go wrong by NOT having them. Hold on tight girl, you are going to be in for a ride with this one but know that you'll have so many people praying for you and supporting you with our own actions and voices. Gavin deserves your voice to be heard, LOUD & CLEAR. Go Mummy! xxxx October 25, 2011 11:32 pm
  • Cindy: Since you are speaking from experience, and a horrible on at that, you obviously know what you are talking about. While others may disagree, I really hope they keep their mouths shut! :) I admire you and your strength so much. Your post about baby Gavin's 2nd Birthday had me in tears. I can't even begin to comprehend all you've been through and continue to go through. I'm simply amazed by you. Thank you for sharing your journey. October 26, 2011 7:40 am
  • niki: Vaccines save lives, plain and simple. We need more amazing women like you promoting what should have never been an issue in the first place! You have my support :) October 26, 2011 4:17 pm
  • Sara S: Good for you! I think it's so important and I applaud you for doing it. Thanks to you I've urged people for the pertussis immunizations. Thanks for all your work! October 26, 2011 4:17 pm
  • Naomi: Natalie...I don't like to count the many interviews my sweet husband and I have done on Pertussis, TDaP, and child/adult immunizations. We've done several newspaper interviews, attended several luncheons where we had to recount our story, done a PSA (public service announcement), did a radio spot, attended the state legislature to promote the proclamation on the "Cocooning Project" and spoke a million times a million times to every day people. (Our recent interview was on the front page of the Sunday Albuquerque Journal just this year.) Each and every time I've had to share my son's story, our grief, and the importance of getting your TDaP. Its NEVER! easy! Its so emotional and hard but necessary. And yes...I have gotten many positive replies of how people we know and don't know have responded to this important need and gotten their TDaP. Sadly, not enough people do it. Just this season...already!....Pertussis is on the rise in New Mexico. I'm afraid to think it has only begun but my heart's hope is that it will stop rising. But each will make his/her own decision about this. I can only share my experience, in all its real, difficult and sad details, hoping to move another to go forward and get their booster. You and I must keep on fighting until this awful disease is eradicated. For our boys. October 31, 2011 12:01 pm
  • Naomi: By the way, talking on childhood immunizations is only the next step. I will share: you will come up against those who are opposed but you keep on trudging along. For us, we didn't ask God to be spokespeople on this BUT He called us to it and has been faithful. It is not my job to convince people .... just educate them .... this comes along with sharing our loss. We have witnessed changed hearts and we have seen people remain in their ways. But we were obedient to what God asked us to do. We strongly believe He provided a way for this disease along with other diseases to be eradicated. There are no cures for Pertussis, Polio or Diphtheria. ONLY vaccines to keep them away. Educate yourself and carry a sensitive heart towards others. Most of all, TRUST God and what He has called you to do. Blessings to you. October 31, 2011 12:16 pm
  • crystal winger: you speaking out about this, may save a little baby! And people may actually listen to you because of what you have been through in real life! November 1, 2011 2:04 pm
  • Rachel Boatright DeVault: The definition of integrity is doing/saying what you believe even when it's hard. You're the embodiment of that. All my love. November 1, 2011 4:10 pm
  • Caitlin Jarvis: You have no idea who I am, but I read your blog all the time. I have been really inspired by your story. Thank you for speaking out against this insanity!!! I cannot believe that people would choose to expose their children and children/adults around them to infections that we all thought ourselves to be rid of. To be totally frank, it really angers me. I hope more people will educate themselves about this and stop following this "trend" (so well put in that video). Thank you for your strength! You are an awesome person. November 1, 2011 9:27 pm

The story of a girl, on a day like today.

click here to open post Oct 24, 2011 | posted in Baby Gavin, Inspire, Personal | 64 comments

I knew this girl once.

She was happy and brave. She had a skip in her step and a song in her heart. She loved the world completely, and the world loved her right back again.

The girl grew up.

And sometimes, she felt as if the world had stopped loving her quite so much. . . or just maybe, he’d forgotten about her altogether.

The girl felt all alone.

The girl cried. She cried and she cried and she cried.

A hundred rivers, she cried to overflowing, and then she cried some more.

Then one day, the girl woke up, and she didn’t want to cry any more.

The girl wanted to laugh.

She wanted to laugh, and she wanted to sing! She wanted to skip, and she wanted to dance!

She wanted to love the world, and she wanted to show the world how to love her right back again.

The girl declared war on her hurt, and she sang as loud as she could to overcome the sound of her sorrow.

The girl had forgotten how to skip, so she learned how to RUN instead.

She ran and she ran and she ran.

She wasn’t running away from the wanting, or the anger, or the sadness, oh no! NO no no no no! She was running right over the top of it all. Showing herself that she was strong, and brave, and that she had so much fight left in her. Enough fight for all the world (and then even more left over, just in case).

The girl found her smile again. The girl found her courage.

The girl had proven that she (and you) can overcome anything in life, just so long as you stay brave and keep right on loving (and believing in) the world, no matter what.

So even though the girl knows that in a different life, on a day like today, she’d be buying balloons and baking a cake. . .

Or that in some other world, she’d be living through a cleaning frenzy, preparing for a neighborhood full of smiling faces and hours upon hours of happy celebration. . .

Or that in another life, she’d be singing Happy Birthday To You and dancing the night away. . .

She’s Ok.

Bruised, but not beaten.

Yes, today, she’s dying from so much ache. The wanting is heavy on her chest, and the hurt keeps finding it’s way to the girl’s stomach until she can literally feel the vomit rising into her throat.

Yes, she wonders what he’d look like.

She wonders how he’d sound.

She wonders how his little 2 year old fingers would feel in her hand or how his sweet head would smell as it rested upon her shoulder.

Yes, the girl has much to wonder about. . .But one thing is clear.

He’s hers, not matter what. He’s her’s forever, and though, on a day like today, she’s filled with pain so deep and so wide that no number of tears could ever hope to wash it away, the girl knows that this day will be but a moment. And one day, sooner than later, this pain, so deep and so wide that it threatens to swallow her away, will be filled with joy twice as deep as is her sorrow.

Happy birthday handsome. Mommy loves you times a MILLION.

64 comments | add comment
  • jenni bailey: Natalie, I am so incredibly grateful to you for sharing your stories and your strength. I don't actually know you but I can honestly say that I think about you all the time (in a totally non-weirdo, non-stalkerish way I PROMISE). You have been and continue to be an inspiration to me. I can't imagine how it feels to write a post like this but just know that you have big, virtual (non-creepy) hugs coming at you from all over the place. October 24, 2011 10:23 am
  • Marissa Kloess: I love you Natalie Norton! You are an incredible woman and I know that Baby Gavin loves you so much and so does God. xoxo October 24, 2011 10:30 am
  • Em: sending a prayer as big and powerful as the hug I want to give you right now. your heart is beautiful and God shines so bright when you share the strength and joy through your pain. xoxo. October 24, 2011 10:31 am
  • Amy sobrito: your blog hit so close to home today. we just lost our 22 year old daughter last Sunday and I'm still totally stuck in the saddening fog. your words were encouraging, so so encouraging. I know someday I'll find the happy place again, just for right now, things feel so dark and sad. happy birthday to your sweet baby boy Natalie. x October 24, 2011 10:34 am
  • jac kaiser: natalie, you are such an inspiration of what life is all about. i think of you every time i run and hope someday we'll be running buddies :) happy birthday gavin. the world is a better place because you were (and still are) a part of it. i'll eat a cupcake in you honor!!! October 24, 2011 10:34 am
  • Heather: Happy Birthday Sweet Gavin! We love you TONS and TONS! There's no doubt you know that though! xoxox October 24, 2011 10:37 am
  • Jennifer: Natalie and family...I am crying tears of joy and sorrow for sweet baby Gavin today. Thanks for the reminder to hold them close. October 24, 2011 10:39 am
  • Natasha: Baby Gavin touched my heart. His story, and your story are a part of me (and so many others) because you have chosen to share your journey. I am thankful for your words, they reach me all of the time. Happy Birthday to your precious boy. Hugs to you mamma, You are amazing! October 24, 2011 10:39 am
  • Amelialyon: Natalie, you are beautiful! Thankyou for sharing, I needed this today. Love you friend, sad we had to miss out while you were in town. You continue to strengthen me just when I least expect it & yes you do still have a TON of fight left in you!! Happy birthday to Gavin! October 24, 2011 11:03 am
  • Stacie Shea Events: Natalie you brought tears to my eyes and smiles to my heart. You are inspiration for mothers, and mothers-to-be. I hope one day I can be even a tenth of the mother you are! Love to you and your family today... October 24, 2011 11:04 am
  • Emilie: (((HUGS))) Happy birthday baby Gavin!!! :) October 24, 2011 11:14 am
  • Drew Renner: My hearts aches for you guys on this day, but my prayers are for you to be converted. I cant imagine how you have all gone through this trial in your lives, but a commend you for standing tall giving us all courage as we fight our own struggles. May heavenly father be with you all, we love you. October 24, 2011 11:15 am
  • rachel B: I never saw that face. I LOVE IT! You can tell his personality is just as unique as the rest of the NORTON clan. What an impact this little guy made. We love you! October 24, 2011 11:17 am
  • Monique Schaffer: Warm thoughts and prayers from South Dakota. You continue to inspire me.. and if it had not been for baby Gavin I would have not found you. October 24, 2011 11:44 am
  • Kristen: Love you, Nat. Forever. October 24, 2011 11:45 am
  • stephanie joy: Love you Nortons- today and always! October 24, 2011 12:05 pm
  • Aileen Reilly: Thinking of you and your boys today. Wonderful blog post. Love you. A October 24, 2011 12:15 pm
  • kristina leao: Hi! i dont know you personally but am friends with some of your friends and family and stumbled upon your post. I remember reading about your sweet gavin before and as i read this post i couldn''t help but tear up... and admire you so much for how faithful and honest you are about your pain and testimony of eternal families. thank you so much for sharing and know you are in MANY prayers. October 24, 2011 12:28 pm
  • Julee George: That is a precious/inspiring story. Thank you for sharing, as always, so eloquently. I cannot wait to see the eternal happily ever after! Happy Birthday, sweet, perfect boy! October 24, 2011 12:29 pm
  • Blair Van Bussel: Natalie, my heart just hurts for you. I know that baby Gavin was so blessed to have you as his mommy for is short, but very beautiful life. You are such an inspiration! October 24, 2011 12:49 pm
  • Liz: Natalie - what a beautifully, honestly written post - from the heart. Little Gavin is so blessed to have you as his mother. You and your family will be in my prayers tonight. October 24, 2011 1:00 pm
  • April: Hugs to you and your family today :) Happy Birthday Gavin :) xoxo October 24, 2011 1:03 pm
  • Tami Nelson: Happy Birthday Sweet Gavin!!! October 24, 2011 1:43 pm
  • Marie Rose: Today I woke up and was so crazy busy recovering from a long weekend spent in the mountains that for a moment I forgot what today was. I ran about my buisness cleaning house and filling the cabinets with food they desperately needed....and then my mom called. She asked me if I was coming to the Halloween festivities tomorrow. I asked her what day that was and she said "The 25th I think"...and then it hit me...like a ton of bricks it hit me. I could scarcely finish the conversation. I hung up the phone and sat at my kitchen table and looked at the calendar. How could I forget, if even for a moment? I've been thinking about this day for weeks and what I could do to let you know that I haven't forgotten. I wouldn't forget a day like this because it means so much to you and because you have touched my life so deeply. I quickly grabbed my phone and sent you a txt with a promise to myself that I would write you a magnificent email later and tell you I love you and am thinking of you. Well, now I'm at work and I've had a moment to breathe and baby Gavin walked right into my thoughts. I dropped everything and ran to the computer, sure enough I found this post... so strong, so brave, so very Natalie and it reminded me how much you didn't need any uplifting words from me because you are a rockstar and are doing it beautifully, but I do want you to know that you are never far for my thoughts especially around this time of year. As I decorated my house exactly one month ago I thought of you and what kind of fabulous party you'd be throwing if you had the chance and I rememembered to soak it all in just a little bit longer for your sake. One day you will throw that fabulous birthday for your sweet little boy and it was be so grand! I can not wait for that day for you. I love your face and think you are AH-MAZING. Much love my friend! October 24, 2011 1:55 pm
  • Ashley: Happy Birthday, Gavin! Natalie, you are nothing short of amazing. October 24, 2011 2:49 pm
  • Tonia: It has been on my to do list for over a year, but I finally got my Tdap boster vaccine this week thanks to you- Happy birthday Baby Gavin! October 24, 2011 3:21 pm
  • Marci: Happy Birthday to Gavin! Thank you for all your honest and inspiring posts. I have learned so much from you Natalie! October 24, 2011 3:53 pm
  • Erin Peterson: So beautiful. I'm thinking about you and Gavin today. I'm thinking about how your story has made me a better mother. I'm thinking about how your testimony has made me want to share mine. I'm loving the stranger that you are to me and feeling as if you are a friend. October 24, 2011 3:55 pm
  • Jessica: I love you. My heart is aching and joyous for you at the same time! You have lived through another year and given and given and given. Thank you! You and your dear family are in my prayers. October 24, 2011 4:20 pm
  • Kara Couch: You are amazing! You have inspired me so many times. And again you inspire me as I face one of the scariest challenges of my life. Thank you! I am grateful that Heavenly Father lead me to your old blog! October 24, 2011 4:37 pm
  • Metta Prieto: Natalie, I can't believe it has been two years since the whole nation of photographers and Norton-family lovers waited with baited breath to hear about the birth and then the incredibly tragic death of baby Gavin. Two years, but I'm bawling right now as if it's been two days. Kisses to your heart. October 24, 2011 5:01 pm
  • Rachel Boatright DeVault: Nat, I love you. I grieve with you and I rejoice in the truth with you, too. I know you'll hold him again, and not just with your heart and soul. October 24, 2011 5:09 pm
  • kati: i read this post while my almost-two-year-old boy took his nap in my arms this afternoon and bawled and felt so thankful for him. i don't know how you're as strong and brave and incredible as you are, and i wish you didn't even have to be, or have to know how strong you really are... but and gavin and your beautiful boys are shining lights in the darkness!! happy birthday, mama! October 24, 2011 5:16 pm
  • Susan: And we love you times a million back! Wishing you all the love I can give today! October 24, 2011 5:37 pm
  • Jenn Albertson: Natalie I just went and woke the girls up and hugged them. Thank you for always reminding me to look and really SEE what is in front of me, even if it's just unrolled a whole roll of toilet paper or spilled glitter on the floor. Happy Birthday to your very handsome Gavin, never forget that he wants you to keep singing and running. October 24, 2011 6:22 pm
  • Melody: I love that picture! He has that cute little newborn/ tiny old man thing happening. I've been thinking about you guys even more lately as his birthday was approaching. I hope you guys can feel the huge wall of love that we're throwing at you. October 24, 2011 6:22 pm
  • Courtney: Natalie, I have been thinking about you today and wishing for a few minutes to sit down and write you a note. This blog post is amazing. You are amazing. Over the past year you have seemed to be there with wonderful REAL words of wisdom every time I have needed it. You have touched a million lives. You and your sweet baby boy have changed people around the world. You have changed me and I thank you so much for that. I love your honesty, your willingness to be real and open and heartfelt when it would be so easy to hide behind the pain. Keep running, keep loving, keep looking up at the sky knowing he is there with you all the time. October 24, 2011 7:02 pm
  • Janet Williams: So beautifully written, Natalie. Thank you for your big heart. Thank you for sharing it. From the first time I visited you in the hospital with newborn Raleigh you have been an inspirational mother. I'll never forget that feeling that day. You inspire me still every day. Feel loved always, especially today. October 24, 2011 7:07 pm
  • Angie: Remember that one time I thought you were the cutest, sweetest, bravest girl? I still think that. And even though we still have never met ( well we actually met in a dream and I gave you a huge hug and of course cried) I still love you to pieces! Thinking of you today and sending prayers of peace. Oh, and im so happy you found your smile again. It's so beautiful. October 24, 2011 7:29 pm
  • Jenni: My heart aches for you, Nat. You are an exemplar of strength to all of us and we all have much to learn from you. Love you guys. October 24, 2011 8:20 pm
  • natalie: Amy, I'm so deeply sorry to hear about your daughter. I'm emailing you. Keep an eye out for it. Love, Natalie October 25, 2011 3:12 am
  • erica jaggears: Stay strong today. Know that your angel is smiling and so proud of his Mommy and your strength. I tool have 3 boys that just celebrated their 3rd birhtdy in heaven. It is never easy, but I find comfort in knowing in the future we will all be together again. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers today. You are an amamzing mother and you should be proud of that. Happy Birthday Gavin. October 25, 2011 5:18 am
  • Mandy: Hey Nat:D Love you so much!! Sending a HUGE warm hug right from my heart to yours. Love you so much!!:D squeeeeeeeeeeeeeze!!!! squeeeeeeeze again and again. LOVE YOU NORTONS!!!:D the kongaikas:D October 25, 2011 6:34 am
  • Claire Atherfold: xoxo....thinking of you and your family, always. October 25, 2011 6:42 am
  • crystal winger: I am crying with you. What an angel he is. So sad, but so happy you have found strength in all of this. Thinking of your family and your sweet son. October 25, 2011 7:39 am
  • April Garff: You don't know me, but I seriously cried for an hour reading your story---even though I'm on bed rest, I cheated and got up a couple of times to hug my almost 2 year old son, just to let him and Heavenly Father know how blessed and grateful I am to have him in my life. I lost my first two pregnancies and was devastated for MONTHS. If that was hard for me, I can only imagine what you've been through. I know life can be so very precious and so fragile. My heart aches for you and your sweet family. Your post today was so amazing, so strong---you have definitely changed my life for the better, and I am sure there are so many more that you don't even know about who have been impressed and improved by reading the courage and faith in your words. I truly hope you and your Gavins get to see each other again soon (but not too soon...) because I am sure your sweet baby knows just how much you love him and what a difference you have made in the world. Thank you! October 25, 2011 10:34 am
  • kelli eudis: A prayer for you and your sweet family today. Happy Birthday baby Gavin. October 25, 2011 11:24 am
  • ern: Hope you don't mind me commenting, one of my friends posted a link to this entry on facebook and I cried while I read it. I think anyone who has grown up can relate to this in a small way. Thank you for helping me remember that life is for singing. October 25, 2011 12:02 pm
  • Amie W: Your words are like oxygen to my soul. I love you Natalie Norton. October 25, 2011 1:36 pm
  • angela b: Very, Very grateful for your sharing. My husband and I lost our 3 month old baby boy.. my fourth son... Seth. Exactly 3 months... Would have been one year old this past Sunday.. October 23rd. Your post brings my heart courage. Bless you! October 25, 2011 1:49 pm
  • Stacey: Dear Gavin, happy birthday. As children we wrote messages to our littlest brother each year on his birthday and attached them to helium balloons... to rise up over the mountain and into heaven. It's been a sweet tradition for our family. October 25, 2011 1:53 pm
  • April: what a sweet tribute! your feelings echo mine. i have a little girl in heaven that would be two years old. time does begin to heal us :) October 25, 2011 5:01 pm
  • chelsea: what a beautiful post! You are an inspiration. Happy birthday to your sweet boy..I'm sure he spent the day with you. October 25, 2011 5:58 pm
  • Amanda: Oh my word, that picture is so precious!! I love his facial expression. I hate that there are parents who are missing their baby, there shouldn't be that wondering, but alas there is :(. I really appreciate your perspective and your testimony, thank you for sharing! October 25, 2011 7:39 pm
  • Jo Thomas: As a mother, my heart aches for you, Natalie. I just don't know how the world would make sense if I lost one of my children and I hope (I pray) I never will know. You love people so deeply, that it must make it hurt so much more. Don't ever stop loving the world and all it's beautiful children as deeply as you do; it's what makes you so inspiring. It's what has made Gavin's life so much LARGER than his brief weeks with you. Happy Birthday Gavin, thank you for being born, for being a part of so many people's lives xoxo October 25, 2011 11:45 pm
  • Laura: Thank you for sharing your strength, your story and Baby Gavin's story. You have both truly touched my life. I also want to say thank you for sharing these links and your experience with running. 2 weeks ago, I had a miscarriage (my 4th) and on my car ride home from the hospital, I thought of you and I thought of running. I had this urge, that came from somewhere I didn't know I had (because I HATE running), but I had the urge to run. I wanted to run and just hash out all the feelings and emotions deep inside of me. Like you put it, i just want to run and let me feet BEAT right over the top of the hurt. I just hit the 2 week mark and can start working out again. How in the world do I do this? I don't know. I just want to do SOMETHING. Anyway, thank you for your posts and your inspiring thoughts on running. And even more...Happy Birthday little Gavin! October 26, 2011 9:09 am
  • Susan: Oh Natalie... You are inspiring. Thank you for helping me remember to hold my son a little closer and a little longer. October 26, 2011 2:45 pm
  • Stacia: Natalie & family- wishing your littlest boy the happiest of birthdays. I think of you often, as my little one turned two in September. And I know I speak for many when I say that Gavin's story and your courage inspire us all to be more patient, more present and more grateful for even the most difficult of days. Thank you. October 27, 2011 3:40 am
  • Vandi: This was incredible. You are incredible. Thank you for sharing your life and feelings with the world. You are making a difference. I'm sure your little Gavin is so proud of his momma. You are pointing the way in amazing ways. Thanks for your fight, your strength, your fierce faith. It's changing lives. October 27, 2011 7:59 am
  • Tawna: Thank you for sharing What Matters Most and being the incredible example of strength that you are. Happy Birthday wishes to sweet, precious Gavin...and hugs to your heart! October 29, 2011 4:33 am
  • Fronica: Natalie, I've been thinking about you and your family lately, which has lead me here to your blog. Just want to say, we love you and your family tons!! Thank you for being you. Your strength, honesty and sincerity are amazing. You change people's lives for the better. Hugs and kisses being sent your way from the Saurman's!! xoxo October 29, 2011 11:02 pm
  • countesskaz: The Lord sent me to find your blog. I'm in South Africa and forund your blog randomly. You write so profoundly and beautifully and echoes so much in my heart. A true inspiration to me.Thank you for sharing outlook on life with us. October 31, 2011 12:08 am
  • Hello, 2012. I resolve. | Natalie Norton Photography Hello, 2012. I resolve. | Blog: [...] came, as success often does, littered amid some really overwhelming (and even devastating)  transition and pain. So yes, my feelings toward 2011 (and subsequently 2012) are muddled, and rightly [...] January 3, 2012 12:02 am
  • heather: I found your blog via facebook. Thank you for sharing your story. You are amazing. I look forward to reading your blog. February 9, 2012 1:48 pm

A hui ho.

click here to open post Jun 16, 2011 | posted in Baby Gavin, Brother Gavin, Personal | 18 comments


Finishing up the packing and about to head out. . .

As of yesterday morning, a new family owns our little white house on Wahinepe’e St.

My heart is heavy and light, all at the same time. I am profoundly happy for the family who bought it, they are remarkable, and so very, very deserving. It’s also a very meloncholy (or should I say melon choly)  feeling to say goodbye to a home that has cradled us as we’ve weathered so.many.storms. I remember my brother‘s room (before he moved out and set up camp on the beach… like a bona fide hobo). I remember where I was sitting (4 years ago tomorrow) when my Dad told me that had died. I remember where the baby‘s crib had been, and how joyous I felt as I assembled it. I remember how sorrowful I was as I broke it down and placed a dresser in it’s place… so I wouldn’t have to wake up every morning and stare at it sitting there, empty. I remember hours on end of laughter, plenty of yelling and madness, and so much friendship and love that I could burst at the seams just thinking about it.

But. . . I keep reminding myself, home is where we are, together. WE are what makes a house a home. Not friendly neighborhood kids in and out of the house all.day.long, not belly laughs, or tickle fests, not dance parties or trampoline wars, not more joyous memories than I can count… it’s us, and we’re sticking together.

Aloha ‘oe beautiful Laie. A hui ho!


I heart the Instagram app. Find me! Username: natalienorton

18 comments | add comment
  • Sheila Beal: Oh Natalie...I can relate. I couldn't even go to the closing meeting when we sold our last house. I pre-signed the documents and then sat in the car crying while Andy went in to the meeting. Best of luck to you and the fam for you move to the mainland! June 16, 2011 8:50 am
  • Rachel Boatright DeVault: This makes me feel stronger about our own upcoming move. THANK YOU. June 16, 2011 8:55 am
  • stephanie joy: This makes me sad. I am so very happy for you guys though and for the next chapter in your lives! What new adventures await? So exciting! Thanks for being YOU. I have learned a lot from you. Love you. June 16, 2011 10:05 am
  • Lizzie: I cry saying goodbye to rentals!! Can't imagine a houseful of memories. Safe travels and smooth adjustments in your AZ adventure! June 16, 2011 12:29 pm
  • alisa greig: wow, such memories. i can't even relate or imagine. God's continued rich blessings over you and your beautiful family--gonna miss you!!! June 16, 2011 2:47 pm
  • echo: you have some great adventures ahead of you guys. you know you are making the right decision but it still sometimes hurts a little. thanks for being awesome. thanks for the fun girls night. thanks for helping me get through the miscarriage. thank you, thank you. love you. June 16, 2011 2:52 pm
  • tumi: Best of luck on your future adventures!! It is a bitter sweet moment but enjoy each minute of it. Love you June 16, 2011 4:42 pm
  • Kent West: You guys are rad, so so rad. All the best! June 16, 2011 5:03 pm
  • Rebekah @ It Only Gets Better: Your post immediately made me think of a song on Animoto's video making site called "Always Home" by Sound of Harris (singer/songwriter section). I am sure you will all make this transition beautifully! June 16, 2011 5:33 pm
  • Rebekah @ It Only Gets Better: Sorry! I meant to post a link to the video I made with that song so that you could hear it. http://sixgreggs.blogspot.com/2010/12/last-post-of-2010.html June 16, 2011 5:38 pm
  • Myrna M: Natalie, you are the epitome of strength. I wish I had your way with words.. Your emotion and your passion and your faith move people beyond description. Best of faith to the Norton family.. Because wishing you luck wouldn't be appropriate for such an awesome family. :) June 16, 2011 5:43 pm
  • Malia: Natalie, You and your family are so Beautiful! Inside and out! I'm so excited for your new adventure! I know Stuart said we were bummed but I know that only the BEST is in store for you! And you'll definitely be back (just like we will)! I'm glad I was able to see you even just to say Hi! before you left. Thank You for your inspiration! Take care and I'll see you in Internetland for the next 2 years! June 16, 2011 8:47 pm
  • Larry: This reminds me of our move from Hawaii 4 years ago. I'm grateful that your move will bring you closer to where we are and we're excited to be able to see you guys. ;-) June 17, 2011 12:12 pm
  • amanda whitford: Thanks Natalie. We appreciate what you'be done for Joe's parents and our tiny family. We'll take good care of the house. June 18, 2011 8:49 am
  • Rach the great: I am all tears right now. You have an amazing and wonderful and Fabulous family. I am so grateful to have had you here. I miss you already. I love you soo much. June 18, 2011 10:44 pm
  • Jennifer Foulger: Oh sweet sis! I carry your home in my heart! I know you will return there someday as you have so many close friends and Hawaii has always been where you belong. As excited as I am to have you so close to me, (and trust me, you will get sick of me very fast!) I know where your heart is, and it is in Hawaii - close to our brother and close to your son. I love you, love you, love you! xoxo June 19, 2011 2:02 pm
  • marie rose: Good Luck on your new adventure. You do not cease to be amaze me. Through all these trials in your life you have been nothing but positive and strong. I hope that I can tackle the challenges before me with as much grace and faith as you! You are a rock star! June 19, 2011 5:52 pm
  • Sabrina (Chicago): We just moved too, bittersweet. Very bittersweet, I gave birth to 3 children while we lived there, 1 in my bedroom. It has been hard, but, things change and better opportunities for your family (and mine) abound. Many thoughts and prayers as you travel this new road. June 23, 2011 4:54 am

Richie and I on KSL.

click here to open post May 08, 2011 | posted in Baby Gavin, Sounds of Pertussis | 49 comments

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

Reporter Jennifer Stagg did a fantastic job on our family’s feature that ran tonight on KSL in UT. Of all the interviews I’ve given over the last year and a half, this one was by far the most well done. (Just one quick thing, the piece mentions that we traveled with Gavin at 1 week old. He was actually 2 months old when we took that trip.) PLEASE share this video! We need to spread this important information any way we can. Here is the direct link to Gavin’s story on KSL. From there you can easily tweet, like on facebook or get the embed code to post this video to a blog or website.

Go Gavin GO!

49 comments | add comment
  • Lindy Baker: Wow. I'm bawling yet once again. This was such a great reminder to everyone who hasn't been vaccinated. Thank you for sharing your story again Natalie. May 8, 2011 7:31 pm
  • marie rose: in tears and wishing you NOTHING but the best my dear friend! May 8, 2011 7:41 pm
  • Emily Henning: Extremely emotional. Thinking of you on this Mother's Day and I know Gavin is smiling down on his mama. You are amazing and strong for sharing your story and spreading the word for this important cause. May 8, 2011 7:45 pm
  • kennan: just saw this. again, your story broke my heart. natalie, you are making this tragedy into something beautiful with your passion for pertussis awareness. i still think of you and your story often. i had my newest son 3 months ago and everyday i think of what you went through. I CANNOT IMAGINE. thank you for being you, beautiful and strong. you are inspiring. oh and you can be SURE i asked for the pertussis shot before we left... all thanks to you. May 8, 2011 8:22 pm
  • Ashley: Those pictures are so beautiful. You're right, after it's all said and done, all you have are those pictures and the memories. You guys are absolutely amazing to help spread awareness. I hope your Mother's Day has been wonderful and so special. May 8, 2011 9:52 pm
  • Marti: Beautifully done story. *hugs* May 9, 2011 1:08 am
  • belinda olsen: The piece done being ksl was very moving and brought me to tears. Today I will schedule myself to have all of my vaccinations up to date! Thank you for sharing your story to help save others. from your heartache others will be made whole. May 9, 2011 3:36 am
  • NataLee Callahan: I got the link to your story off of twitter... watched it and am crying big elephant tears. I am 8 months pregnant with a horrible cough/cold right now. I have a dr. appt. this week and will definitely talk to him about getting vaccinated. Who knows, maybe your story is going to help keep our newborn son safe. May 9, 2011 3:52 am
  • dawn beirnes: this was a fantastic and loving video. I am soon going to have my second grandchild, so I have some questions (basically because I'm pretty clueless!). As far as I know, I have never had a pertussis vaccine. My children did...but they are now 30 (pregnant daughter), 27 and 21. I'm guessing that along with my daughter, my two sons should get the vaccine? My youngest son lives at home, so he will be around the new baby alot. My husband works in a hospital, so he will definitely get the vaccine, and I will as well. Are there any other things I need to know? My son-in-law should get it as well? He has 2 children, ages 16 and 12, so do they need to get it also? I hope I'm not asking too many questions. Thank you, baby Gavin. You are saving lives! May 9, 2011 4:18 am
  • NataLee Callahan: Me again. Okay, so I am thoroughly worried now. Including our baby who is due to arrive in the first of July, we have a 16 month old who has been struggling for months with Pertussis like symptoms. Drs. have told us everything from Croup (3x), to asthma, to a cold (it's been going on since January)... but we've been wondering why that causes him to throw up mucus all the time... and why he's not better yet. I am going to have him tested for pertussis now, but do you know when he will be fully vaccinated... so he doesn't get his newborn brother sick, even though the rest of us are going to get vaccinated against it? Thanks for sharing your story. I am convinced. May 9, 2011 4:29 am
  • Heidi: Thank you so much for sharing you story! As soon as I watched your clip on KSL last night I first broke into tears as I was so fortunate to be holding my 4 month old healthy baby boy. Then second, I found the link on KSL website & put it as my facebook status. I am so adamant about immunizations since working in Heathcare. Your story is so heart breaking but so powerful to get the message across. Gavin is definately making a differance! Thanks again for sharing your message! May 9, 2011 6:29 am
  • Maren: My heart breaks all over again for your sweet family, Natalie. Especially knowing now that you may have been the one who passed pertussis on to Gavin. But thank you for being so willing to share your experience, and in the process to save so many lives. We are expecting our first little boy in about a week - Because of you and Gavin, we have asked everyone to make sure they have their T-dap - mine will be done in the hospital. You are wonderful, Natalie and Richie!!! May 9, 2011 6:42 am
  • Dana Garner: I just wanted to say thank you! Your story last night on KSL was beautiful and had my entire family watching in tears! Your example was very inspiring to me and I now want to get invovled to help make people aware of pertussis..especially moms to be! My story is similar to yours in that we were living on Oahu when my son was born in August...a few weeks later my husband and I got a cough that we figured was just a cold/cough. When my son was 3 months old we moved to Utah for work and just a few weeks later my son started coughing! I, like you was not properly educated about pertussis and had not been revaccinated before he was born. My son was also misdiagnosed and continued coughing! Finially we were able to get the right diagnosis and get him some help and luckily our son is recovering! Watching your story last night made me feel that I am so blessed to still have my son and I need to be grateful to my Heavenly Father and share our story with others and help educate others the way you are. THANK YOU! May 9, 2011 6:51 am
  • Mandy: Thank you so much for raising awareness about this. I had a baby a week and a half ago. I too had a cold at the hospital. It still hasn't gone away. My baby started in with major congestion a few days ago. She is hardly sleeping because she can't breath through her nose very well. Is this how it started for Gavin? Or did it start with coughing? She has coughed a few times after eating and she has thrown up a lot of mucous. I'm kinda freaking out because I know I haven't been vaccinated since I was a child. I will definitely be getting it now and telling everyone I know about your story. Would you mind giving me a little more insight into what I should watch for? I'm so sorry for your loss and thanks again for speaking out! May 9, 2011 7:16 am
  • Melody: Great job! I liked that they/you talked about how nobody told you this was such a huge deal and so risky. I think that's an aspect of the story that more people need to focus on because so many people think that if it were really an issue they would already know about it because their doctor would have told them. Mine never told me and yours didn't tell you. Most don't for whatever reason. May 9, 2011 7:24 am
  • Elise: Natalie, I am usually not one to comment on blogs of people I don't know, but I really can't thank you enough for sharing Gavin's story. Although it is heartbreaking and I can't imagine what you have gone through, your words are always beautiful and uplifting. I just had a baby girl and had it not been for your story, I doubt I would have been very aware of pertussis and it's threats. My husband and I as well as our parents have been vaccinated. Thank you little Gavin for your beautiful life and for all those you have helped and the lives you have most definitely saved. May 9, 2011 7:30 am
  • Rebecca Jeppson: Oh Natalie! I found your blog a year or so ago-but today while watching your piece on KSL-holding my 5 week old baby boy....I feel so much for you and wanted to thank you for sharing your message. Our family lives in cache valley and with a pertussis outbreak I feel sick. Our family is all being vaccinated at 3:45 today. Thinking of you.... May 9, 2011 8:08 am
  • natalie: Dawn, I'm not a doctor, so any advice I give you should also be run by your physician. I would recommend anyone in your family over 12 years of age should get the Tdap booster shot. Thank you for being so aware and proactive! All my love! Natalie May 9, 2011 8:48 am
  • natalie: NataLee, If your 16 month old is up to date on all his vaccines, he should be fully protected against Pertussis as well. There is a small chance he still has it, however if he does, it's likely a much milder case because he's been vaccinated. If it was my family, I'd definitely have my 16 month old checked just for peace of mind. The pediatrician might not think it's worth it (the test is a little uncomfortable), but just insist. Good luck! Lots of love! Natalie May 9, 2011 8:51 am
  • natalie: Mandy, Gavin's symptoms started with a cough. Lots of babies experience congestion. Their nasal passages are so tiny that they tend to be easily constricted. It's unlikely that your baby has Pertussis, but if you have ANY reason to suspect that it could be Pertussis, I would definitely not hesitate to take the baby in just to be safe! May 9, 2011 8:59 am
  • Rachel Boatright DeVault: I have nothing but love for you and your family watching this. Gavin touched so many lives and continues to do so. XOXO May 9, 2011 9:04 am
  • Alisa: Natalie, your strength is inspring! I posted this on my blog to spread the word. May 9, 2011 9:12 am
  • stephanie w.: I want to say that I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I was in tears watching your story on the news, my son is vaccinated because I work in infection control at the u of u hospital. unfortunately all of my in-laws do not believe in vaccinations, I truly hope that sharing your story with them will help them make a better decision and get their vaccinations. you are so brave to tell your story, I don't know if I would be able to do anything if I lost my son. May 9, 2011 9:13 am
  • makana hansen: Just visiting. Saw your story on FB. My bro Robbies Limary knows you and I met you briefly at BYUH a few years ago. What a moving story. Thank you for sharing. Mind if I link you up on my blog? May 9, 2011 10:06 am
  • Amanda: It was touching... and beautiful. You did a really great job sharing your story. May 9, 2011 10:07 am
  • dawn beirnes: thanks alot Natalie. You and your family are opening so many people's eyes to this disease that would have never thought that much about it. Love to you and your family! May 9, 2011 10:30 am
  • Heather: As I watched last night when it aired, my heart broke all over again for you and your family. It is such a touching story and I just couldn't help but feel that what a mission this little boy is fulfilling. How amazing. I love your words at the very end. How true they are. May 9, 2011 10:45 am
  • Jolene Munford: I found your blog from a link I saw on a friends blog a few days after before your son past away. I had just entered the hospital at 28 weeks to be put on bed rest with twins, and I was so touched by your story. I thought of you after I had my babies and they asked me if I wanted the pertussis vaccine. I probably wouldn't have said yes if I hadn't just red your blog. I thought it was interesting that I had two other children, and I don't recall ever being asked if I would like that vaccine. I remembered you instantly when I saw this on KSL, not only did you help me make a dissension about the pertussis vaccine, but when things were scary you helped me to put my faith in perspective and helped remember to put my faith in our Father in Heaven May 9, 2011 11:31 am
  • Ashley: This is beautiful. Love you guys. May 9, 2011 11:39 am
  • Wendi: I still cry like it was yesterday...everytime. I think of your family so very often and always say loving prayers to God in your honor. xoxo May 9, 2011 12:34 pm
  • Erin: Thank you for telling this brave, heartfelt story. You have given a voice to those affected by pertussis. Thank you. May 9, 2011 4:17 pm
  • Beth Duckwitz: I'm not sure if you will remember me, but we danced together on Synergy. I came across this video on ksl.com and recognized you and then cried. I am so sorry for your loss. Lots of prayers and positive energy coming your way. May 9, 2011 5:13 pm
  • natalie: Beth! I totally remember you! What a beautiful family you have (I stalked your blog)! Lots of love!!! Natalie May 9, 2011 7:02 pm
  • Rachael Aitu: Thank you Natalie & Richie for sharing your story & all that you continue to do in your lives to inspire me! You are such and AMAZING family. May 9, 2011 10:11 pm
  • Annie Link: Go Mommy GO! Love, Gavin May 10, 2011 3:59 am
  • Silke: Thank you for letting us watch this. When I think about what this is doing to me I don't want to imagine what it does to you. I wasn't able to thank you and comment last night when I had watched it. You are so brave and doing so many good for the SoP organisation. I sure have learnt a lot and I am spreading the message. Regretfully, too many people are hesitant about vaccinations in general. But I am insistant :-) Silke May 10, 2011 6:01 am
  • sharalee prang: that was lovely. and enough with the red-eye talk, lady - you look amazing! May 10, 2011 9:59 am
  • Alysha Smith: You two are so amazing. I know that we are given trials to become stronger and increase our faith in the Lord. Your family will be in our nightly prayers. May 10, 2011 11:30 am
  • Jessica Rowe: I saw this on Sunday and once again I was so touched by all you have been through and how you have used this experience as an opportunity to help others. My sister is due to have her first next month and she is planning on getting her DTAP booster before leaving the hospital! much love, jessica May 11, 2011 8:38 am
  • Jennifer Isaacson: I bawled through this. You are so amazing. I am going to make sure we have our boosters when we have our baby in August. Thank you for this. All my love. xoxo May 13, 2011 12:33 pm
  • Rina: Thank you. You guys are amazingg! Baby Gavin was and is a reminder to us all that there is a Heavenly Father who loves us! Thank you. May 14, 2011 2:33 pm
  • uhsa: I have two kids, the youngest will turn 15 months in a week. The interview was heartbreaking, as much as you tried to normalize it with your amazing strength. Like any parent, it brought tears to my eyes to see baby Gavin in such situation. I have been a long time follower of your blog; and I know how close your brother was to you as well. I can see that you already have the strength to handle the situation - but I hope that God gives you the peace you guys so very much deserve. God Bless May 16, 2011 4:31 am
  • Jennifer Bowman: Natalie, you & your family are amazing! I was wondering if you know if getting the pertussis shot is safe while pregnant? I am due the end of June and originally thought I would get the shot at the hospital after having baby, before going home. Now I wonder if it would be better to do before he is here? Thank you for your insight! May 16, 2011 11:10 am
  • Emma Love: Again you and your family amaze me. God is good all the time. May 17, 2011 6:29 pm
  • Felicia Dube: Natalie, my name is Felicia Dube and we also speak out about Pertussis with The Sounds of Pertussis. I am watching your story for the first time and my heart breaks for you. I too feel that I am the one that gave our Carter Pertussis because I had a slight cough and cold when he was born. I would love to stay in contact with you and share stories about our beautiful baby boys ! My email is fam1130@yahoo.com. May 23, 2011 12:59 pm
  • Amy Matthews: I'm crying my eyes out reading your story. My next step is to cut this computer off and go play with my daughter. I can't help but think what if something happened to her, would checking my email have been so important? I think not. Thank you for sharing with such grace and faith. I pray God will give you overwhelming peace until you see your baby again some day. May 24, 2011 10:56 am
  • Natalie: Jennifer, I was at a conference on the Tdap last week in Phoenix and we were told tat the Tdap is safe while pregnant, HOWEVER if you have any concern whatsoever at all, just get the shot after you are discharged from the hospital. HOWEVER do require that all friends and family (spouse too) get the shot at least 1-2 weeks before the baby is born. It takes some time for the shot to become an effective protection to your infant. Way to be proactive! Congratulations on your baby!!! May 26, 2011 12:06 pm
  • Please get vaccinated | livingwithevan.com: [...] News interview with Natalie and her husband [...] May 29, 2011 4:44 pm
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