I had to take some time off to do just a little bit of this, living that is.

I needed to fall apart just a little.

I needed to have a good, long cry—to face the messy parts of what is.

I needed to shake some of the sorrow up to the surface, and exhale it away. . . or inhale it in. (I’m not sure there’s much of a difference with grief.)

It’s been 2 years now, almost 3, but usually it feels like last Thursday.

I go through this madness, thinking I shouldn’t be falling apart anymore. It’s foolish. What will people think? How will they react when they know the truth? What will they say when they know that sometimes, no often, it still hurts like Hell? That sometimes, no often, I still feel like I’m suffocating underneath it all?

. . . and then the sun comes out.

And then despite the rain, despite the thunder and the lightening, despite the begging and the longing and the bargaining and the pleading . . . through all of that weight. . . there’s light. And you know, somehow, someway everything truly is OK.

Out from under all.that.pain, you’re watching a miracle unfold. Right there in front of you. Layer by layer. Breath by breath.

And the miracle. . . is you.

You breathe in deep, flooded with inexplicable gratitude—oxygenating your very soul. Suddenly, for the first time in months, your feet hit the ground. You see all the pieces of yourself—the pieces of your sanity— and you know you can put it all back together again.

A day ago, or even a moment, you wouldn’t have believed.

Now, here it is. . .

Right in front of you.

The miracle of you.

34 things. From my heart to yours.

There are cooler things than the internet.

Sometimes listening to the sound of the rain on the pavement is the best music there is.

Sticking your nose into a pile of warm laundry, fresh out of the dryer, reduces anxiety.

Cell phones are pretty lame.

God loves you. A lot.

Television is NEVER cooler than being outside.

Good fuel = happy living. (Trash in, trash out. Mind, body, spirit.)

True friendship is better than therapy. (Or at least the VERY best alternative.)

A good night’s sleep is totally underrated.

This too shall pass.

Be where you are. (Aka try to do something in the past, try to do something in the future: YOU CAN’T.)

Meditation is more powerful than you could ever imagine.

Kindred friendships exist in places and packages you’d never imagine. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover (or it’s Twitter avatar).

Deep breathing should be celebrated as a consistent part of one’s daily routine.

Life is short. LIVE it well.

Anxiety and worry are useless, unproductive and downright dangerous. LET GOOOOOOOOO.

Worry is nothing more than praying for what you don’t want.

You can heal.

Eye contact with actual humans is waaaaaaay cooler (and more emotionally satisfying) than text messaging.

Plus, text messaging when you’re around living, breathing human beings just makes you lame.

Being in the ocean is the best practice in mindfulness there is.

It will all work out.

We could all live with about 3/4ths less junk.

Purging clutter does wonders for the creative soul.

There’s nothing quite as reassuring as getting up early to watch the sunrise.

A good nickname goes a long way.

Be nice.

There is enough to go around (more than enough, really).

Water a plant. It does something inexplicable for the soul.

Letting people in isn’t as dangerous as you think. It’s actually pretty miraculous.

Life is too short not to get rid of your baggage.

Complete faith and total surrender are mighty powerful things.

It’s never to late to change your ways, to heal what you’ve broken, to try again.

No one’s life is as clean, pretty, or perfect as it appears on their blog.

I love this quote so much.

I’m really working on GROWING right now. I’m reeeeeeeeeeaching, learning, changing, embracing, submitting.  I’m committed to living deliberately, and part of that commitment requires me to take a long hard look into every corner of my life to determine if it’s all intentionally aligned with my heart.

It’s hard.

I think it would be hard for anyone. But one of my biggest revelations throughout this process has been how deeply difficult the process has been for me. I’m finding untapped reserves of grief along with other emotions that I didn’t know I’d harbored. This introspection is intriguing. . . and painful. . . and deeply frustrating, in a nearly infuriating kind of way . . . but underneath alllllll of that, it’s worth it.

I just want to be me. Healthy. Happy. Complete. Whatever that takes, whatever that means, mostly so that my children have permission to do and be the same.  I don’t want to set any example for them but that of LOVE, AUTHENTICITY, CONNECTION, COURAGE, KINDNESS and JOY.

So here I am. . . reaching, learning, changing, embracing, submitting. . . being me.

This is picture holds permanent residence on my home screen.

It reads, You must never find time for anything. If you want time, you must make it. – Charles Buxton

People, let’s take this advice! Shall we?!

We deserve to feel complete, intentional, peaceful. We do. We do. We do.

We deserve to feel capable, successful, competent. We do. We do. We do.

The bottom line is, sometimes you simply have to take two steps BACK in order to regroup and prepare for those giant LEAPS forward.

I’m right. You know I am.

And guess what?! The world won’t stop spinning with out us! It won’t stop spinning without you, and it certainly won’t stop spinning without me.

We do this living thing but once, let’s make the time to regroup and ensure we do it right!

xo,
N

PS

My Recent Posts,
Posted Elsewhere:

Why not go out on a limb, isn’t that where all the fruit is?
5 Tips to Flattering Maternity Photography
10 Things You Should Know, If You Want to be a Professional Wedding Photographer.

Love this guy.

Times infinity.

Every single day, he reminds me to get up, put a smile on my face, and consciously live out the gratitude of my heart.

Who could ask for anything more?