Remember that night?

When you were dying, but daddy wasn’t there yet?

Did you know how frightened I was?

I tried so hard to steady my voice.

I tried so hard to steady my hands as I searched for any vacant space on your tender body, that wasn’t covered by tubes and wires, where I could stroke you. . . to let you know I hadn’t left your side.

I remember that night like it was yesterday.

I remember being told not to leave the hospital. I remember being told to stay with you until morning, because he thought you would die in the night. Though he never said as much. He was kind, but had very little faith in us. You and I. In our love for each other. In what that love was capable of . And he didn’t know what we knew. He didn’t know that God was on our side and that He never loses. GOD NEVER LOSES.

But for the first time, I was really afraid. I mean REALLY, REALLY horrified.

Silent prayers ROARED from my broken heart to Heavens door. And I was filled with peace. A peace that perhaps I  misunderstood, but that proved to be perfect in the end.

And in that peace, I found courage.  I stood over your bed, and with one hand on each side of your beautiful face:

You keep working son.
You do NOT quit.
You are strong enough to do this.
You are brave enough to do this.
I KNOW it’s scary. I KNOW it’s difficult.
.
But Son, here’s the deal.
.
The Savior suffered this pain too so that he could be here for you now.
He is here with you.
And so am I.
And people all over the world are praying for you right this very second.
.
SO YOU CAN DO THIS.
.
You will be healed.
You WILL be made whole.
.
We need you.
We are a family, and we need you just as much as you need us.
Don’t be afraid.
I am here.

Tonight, as I read these words, I wept. Oh how I cried.

Because I could hear you.

I could hear you saying these words to me.

Over and over and over and over.
And again.

As I looked back along the dusty, lonely road I’ve traveled this year, I could suddenly see you, there, walking right by my side.

You keep working Mom.
You do NOT quit.
You are strong enough to do this.
You are brave enough to do this.
I KNOW it’s scary. I KNOW it’s difficult.
.
But Mom, here’s the deal.
.
The Savior suffered this pain too so that he could be here for you now.
He is here with you.
And so am I.
And people all over the world are praying for you right this very second.
.
SO YOU CAN DO THIS.
.
You will be healed.
You WILL be made whole.
.
They need you.
We are a family, and my brothers need you just as much as you need them.
Don’t be afraid.
I am here.

Oh son, thank you! Thank you for not leaving me to go it alone!

I will never stop fighting for you; I will never stop fighting for them, because I know what I’m fighting for. And I know who’s team I’m on.

And like I said before, God NEVER loses. GOD NEVER LOSES.

With all of me,

Mom

PS. Thank you for holding on for your Daddy. Oh! Thank you!